Yup I'm that girl who has been swimming just enough to keep my head above water. Which, in reading back, isn't exactly something to be boasting about. There are places in my life where I think "Lord, can it get any more busy? Please say no." And then there are places where I look and think -- man you're kind of lazy. Finding balance in these two is extremely difficult for me.
I'm a firm believer that there is a sickness in my generation and it manifests itself in one of two ways....extreme, sickening busyness OR extreme, depressing laziness. For sure it's a pendulum that swings from one side to the other for me. I've yet to really find a happy medium between the two, often finding myself sitting on one side or the other. And let me tell you operating from the extremes is/can be exhausting! Emotionally, mentally, physically. Probably the worst side effect of this sickness is the lack of gratitude & thankfulness. Lacking in this area definitely makes for a ugly yellow/gray outlook on life.
How dare I be so ungrateful? How dare I compare my insides with what I think of someone else's outsides? That's no fair -- to me or them! How dare I look down my nose at the wonderfully, magical, tender circumstances God has so carefully laid & prepared for me. He knows me better than all....even better than I know myself. Where is the gentle thanksgiving in my spirit? Where did I lose that along the way?
Conversations over this past weekend & week have brought a spotlight to this in my heart & soul. A painful recognition that I have underestimated the goodness, and a recognition that the sadness/frustration/angst is rooted from that place -- and not so much in the details I've decided are "wrong."
Lord forgive me for this arrogance in believing & acting like I knew better. Forgive me for ripping the control from your tender hands. Help me Father to trust, even in the smallest of ways. To release & surrender. For You will never leave nor forsake Your child. Your goodness can not & will not abandon. I'm choosing to smile - and to stop myself from grumbling even if about the small "insignificant" things. "Wrap me in Your arms Lord"
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Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Life As An Adult
Becoming an "adult," I have found, kind of sneaks up on you...or at least it has snuck up on me. There are certainly times and situations where I definitely still feel like the kid, the inexperienced one, the naiive one in the group, the childish one. And then there are times when I am somewhat shocked that I'm the mature one in the situation. Heck -- I have even made my bed every single day (weekends as the exception) for nearly 3 weeks! Crazy I know!
In fact, I'm not entirely sure how this whole adult-hood thing works or how it's supposed to end. Like, will there be a definitive moment that I'll be able to stop & say...ahh, I've made it! Logically I know that won't happen - but a girl can dream right?
Lately life has been a total mix of boring normal routine, and fun moments of dreaming of what could be. What would our lives be in these circumstances. And then moments of being totally thankful for exactly where we are in our life & for the people/circumstances that make up the details. Maybe that's the biggest hallmark of adult-hood....having the ability to stop, and be grateful & content in any setting.
How have you or are you coping friends??
In fact, I'm not entirely sure how this whole adult-hood thing works or how it's supposed to end. Like, will there be a definitive moment that I'll be able to stop & say...ahh, I've made it! Logically I know that won't happen - but a girl can dream right?
Lately life has been a total mix of boring normal routine, and fun moments of dreaming of what could be. What would our lives be in these circumstances. And then moments of being totally thankful for exactly where we are in our life & for the people/circumstances that make up the details. Maybe that's the biggest hallmark of adult-hood....having the ability to stop, and be grateful & content in any setting.
How have you or are you coping friends??
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Addicted or Just Flushing The System??
Don't worry -- this post won't and isn't as ominous as that title might imply. It's actually a statement Honey Isaac just made.
See, we're currently in San Diego for a good friend's wedding - and we're here for a long weekend. Initially we were going to just lay low in our hotel room, rest up, let Isaac get some quality snooze time to get better. But as soon as we woke up this morning, Isaac has been talking about all these different things we could do tomorrow with our full day of freedom.
And in walking back to our room we pass the standard hotel brochure bar -- with all the local and not so local attractions. Of course there's one in particular that naturally caught our eye. So now it's that struggle of being logical or giving in to spontaneity and just going.
Well given our last week's sponaneity - Isaac posed the question of whether we're getting all this spontaneity out of our system before we seriously start talking/trying for kids, or are we becoming addicted to the spontaneity & risking more than is necessary? I mean we don't have so many responsibilities that we're putting off, we don't have children at home that would be in want of necessities, our house & dog are currently already being taken care of. The question definitely made me stop to ponder -- selfishly I'd like to say we're just getting it out of our system (and let's just be honest, in that my type A personality doesn't do spontaneity very often or well, so it's kind of fun for me), but when I really look at it, the decision doesn't seem that "smart."
So what should we do? How do you balance this kind of struggle? Generally speaking, Honey Isaac & I are pretty freaking financially responsible & very rarely do things like this without having it completed backed up from the get go. So a part of me immaturely wants to say "Screw it! Let's go!" But I also don't want to put undue pressure/stress on him or our little family of 2. Throw your suggestions my way friends!!
Happy Saturday! We're off to our buddy's wedding today -- Samoan style! :)
See, we're currently in San Diego for a good friend's wedding - and we're here for a long weekend. Initially we were going to just lay low in our hotel room, rest up, let Isaac get some quality snooze time to get better. But as soon as we woke up this morning, Isaac has been talking about all these different things we could do tomorrow with our full day of freedom.
And in walking back to our room we pass the standard hotel brochure bar -- with all the local and not so local attractions. Of course there's one in particular that naturally caught our eye. So now it's that struggle of being logical or giving in to spontaneity and just going.
Well given our last week's sponaneity - Isaac posed the question of whether we're getting all this spontaneity out of our system before we seriously start talking/trying for kids, or are we becoming addicted to the spontaneity & risking more than is necessary? I mean we don't have so many responsibilities that we're putting off, we don't have children at home that would be in want of necessities, our house & dog are currently already being taken care of. The question definitely made me stop to ponder -- selfishly I'd like to say we're just getting it out of our system (and let's just be honest, in that my type A personality doesn't do spontaneity very often or well, so it's kind of fun for me), but when I really look at it, the decision doesn't seem that "smart."
So what should we do? How do you balance this kind of struggle? Generally speaking, Honey Isaac & I are pretty freaking financially responsible & very rarely do things like this without having it completed backed up from the get go. So a part of me immaturely wants to say "Screw it! Let's go!" But I also don't want to put undue pressure/stress on him or our little family of 2. Throw your suggestions my way friends!!
Happy Saturday! We're off to our buddy's wedding today -- Samoan style! :)
Friday, November 9, 2012
Jillian Michaels is a B...
That's right I said it.... I've been tackling her 30 Day Shred DVD the past couple weeks (and only seriously in the last week), but let me just tell you... She is a B.
Oh sure you think 20 minutes won't kill you. You can do anything for 20 minutes. But let's get real my friends. It's a non stop 20 minutes (that statement alone makes me feel like a lazy fatty....) that honestly has left me pouring sweat after each segment. And I hate sweating. As in I really, truly, painfully dislike sweating. But I digress -- mostly, it's just uber challenging. The biggest pain I have are my calves. It's shocking how much pain I'm in after only 2 minutes of alternating jumping jacks and "jump rope." The first 2 or 3 days I had trouble walking up & down my stairs! Let alone the impact on my running.
All this aside, I can say that I can see a little change in myself. Miniscule change -- but hell, I'll take it!
I even wrote out a pre-planned calendar of workouts for the month. Each day I get a sticker if I did my work out...yes, I realize how juvenile that sounds but you'd be surprised how flippin' motivating a tiny little sticker can be! I want that sticker each day and I'll push myself thru a brutal 20min Jillian Michaels DVD, a run, Zumba, or anything else just to get that sticker!
How you do approach work outs? Pre-plan? Go with the flow? Do you plan out any rewards for yourself? Like a pedicure or massage?
Happy Friday!
Oh sure you think 20 minutes won't kill you. You can do anything for 20 minutes. But let's get real my friends. It's a non stop 20 minutes (that statement alone makes me feel like a lazy fatty....) that honestly has left me pouring sweat after each segment. And I hate sweating. As in I really, truly, painfully dislike sweating. But I digress -- mostly, it's just uber challenging. The biggest pain I have are my calves. It's shocking how much pain I'm in after only 2 minutes of alternating jumping jacks and "jump rope." The first 2 or 3 days I had trouble walking up & down my stairs! Let alone the impact on my running.
All this aside, I can say that I can see a little change in myself. Miniscule change -- but hell, I'll take it!
I even wrote out a pre-planned calendar of workouts for the month. Each day I get a sticker if I did my work out...yes, I realize how juvenile that sounds but you'd be surprised how flippin' motivating a tiny little sticker can be! I want that sticker each day and I'll push myself thru a brutal 20min Jillian Michaels DVD, a run, Zumba, or anything else just to get that sticker!
How you do approach work outs? Pre-plan? Go with the flow? Do you plan out any rewards for yourself? Like a pedicure or massage?
Happy Friday!
Thursday, November 8, 2012
I Will Until....
Real talk....marriage is tough, it's challenging, it's not always glamorous. Sure I wouldn't change or trade anything about being married to the man I love. But it would be disingenuous to posture as if life were flowers & rainbows every single day.
That being said - as of let a few of our couple friends have been working their way through some pretty tough struggles. Situations and conversations that aren't always comfortable, that don't have a nicely wrapped up resolution. Situations and conversations that sometimes lead to more questions than anything. But only for a period of time. And truthfully the only thing that keeps popping in to my head is a saying my mom shared with me once (during a period of time when it life in the Parker household was challenging)...."I will until..." This concept didn't make much sense to me at the time. But each & every time Honey Isaac & I have come to a conversation or season when life seemed particularly hard this has popped up in my head. I will do everything, I will try anything & everything, I will share, I will confess, I will surrender, I will apologize.... I will. A choice. An action. An active participation.
My heart aches for our sweet friends and those around us when these seasons rear their ugly heads. My heart breaks when people give up or surrender too easily or quickly because it doesn't "feel good." Feelings are so fickle - I'm always shocked how we, myself absolutely 100% included, make so many life changing/altering decisions based on feelings.
Remember my friends.... I will until....
Stepping of my marriage soap box now
That being said - as of let a few of our couple friends have been working their way through some pretty tough struggles. Situations and conversations that aren't always comfortable, that don't have a nicely wrapped up resolution. Situations and conversations that sometimes lead to more questions than anything. But only for a period of time. And truthfully the only thing that keeps popping in to my head is a saying my mom shared with me once (during a period of time when it life in the Parker household was challenging)...."I will until..." This concept didn't make much sense to me at the time. But each & every time Honey Isaac & I have come to a conversation or season when life seemed particularly hard this has popped up in my head. I will do everything, I will try anything & everything, I will share, I will confess, I will surrender, I will apologize.... I will. A choice. An action. An active participation.
My heart aches for our sweet friends and those around us when these seasons rear their ugly heads. My heart breaks when people give up or surrender too easily or quickly because it doesn't "feel good." Feelings are so fickle - I'm always shocked how we, myself absolutely 100% included, make so many life changing/altering decisions based on feelings.
Remember my friends.... I will until....
Stepping of my marriage soap box now
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Small Changes
That's what I'm trying to focus on these days....small, baby-step, changes. Watching my portions. Doing something active each & every day. Hugging my husband, even when he's annoying me. Slowing down to mind my tone at work. But let's just be honest - even these "little" changes are incredibly challenging! And while we're being honest - let me also state that I am not a big fan of patience. If I'm doing something, I'd much rather see the end result in short order.....none of this keep doing it til you see it nonsense. Alas, that's pretty much how it works out in life though.
So I suppose I'll keep at my small changes. And tonight's small change - getting my work out in, finishing dinner, & finally folding the mountain of clothes in my living room. I've only about about 46 days left til Mexican vacation, so I've got zero time to waste....
How do you hang on to the end goal? Or find your motivation when things get tough? Send me your tips & tricks!
So I suppose I'll keep at my small changes. And tonight's small change - getting my work out in, finishing dinner, & finally folding the mountain of clothes in my living room. I've only about about 46 days left til Mexican vacation, so I've got zero time to waste....
How do you hang on to the end goal? Or find your motivation when things get tough? Send me your tips & tricks!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Football Widow No More
Before you get all worked up...don't worry...Isaac is still coaching football. ;)
I have a few friends who are coach's wives, follow a few ladies on Blogger/Twitter who know the perils of the season, and am pretty familiar with the struggles that the fall can bring. And of course I've seen images like this floating around Pinterest
There is definitely a common theme amongst football wives/girlfriends -- a common identifier of being a "football widow" once fall camp kicks off. Sometimes, truthfully, that indentifier has been used a guilt trip tool on my behalf. I've used it to bemoan my situation. I've used it to justify bratty behavior, or simply to not do the dishes. How silly & selfish of me. Here my husband is being used by the Lord in a way that he is able to be excellent, in a way that allows him unprecedented access to kids & their hearts, and in a way that offers opportunities for him to coach up, encourage, and in specific ways share his faith. How awesome is that? And yet, there I am...at home...one of his few places of peace/safety...acting selfishly because I am a football widow. Hello kick to the gut!
Rather this fall I want to encourage Isaac, cover him, the coaches, & players in prayer, & free Isaac from the burden of having to dance to all my little demands(though sometimes they're not little, in all honesty). I am casting off that identifier -- and instead replacing it with something like "football encourager," or even just....football wife! Remove the negative & replace with positive! If you're of the praying sort, would you be interested in joining me pray for the McNary football team & coaches? Just shoot me a message/comment & once I have the list I'll share it with you.
And just for good measure...I did find a few photos from the trusty ol' iPhone from vacation!
Where I spent most of my days...Eagle Crest Resort Pool...aka heaven!
I have a few friends who are coach's wives, follow a few ladies on Blogger/Twitter who know the perils of the season, and am pretty familiar with the struggles that the fall can bring. And of course I've seen images like this floating around Pinterest
There is definitely a common theme amongst football wives/girlfriends -- a common identifier of being a "football widow" once fall camp kicks off. Sometimes, truthfully, that indentifier has been used a guilt trip tool on my behalf. I've used it to bemoan my situation. I've used it to justify bratty behavior, or simply to not do the dishes. How silly & selfish of me. Here my husband is being used by the Lord in a way that he is able to be excellent, in a way that allows him unprecedented access to kids & their hearts, and in a way that offers opportunities for him to coach up, encourage, and in specific ways share his faith. How awesome is that? And yet, there I am...at home...one of his few places of peace/safety...acting selfishly because I am a football widow. Hello kick to the gut!
Rather this fall I want to encourage Isaac, cover him, the coaches, & players in prayer, & free Isaac from the burden of having to dance to all my little demands(though sometimes they're not little, in all honesty). I am casting off that identifier -- and instead replacing it with something like "football encourager," or even just....football wife! Remove the negative & replace with positive! If you're of the praying sort, would you be interested in joining me pray for the McNary football team & coaches? Just shoot me a message/comment & once I have the list I'll share it with you.
And just for good measure...I did find a few photos from the trusty ol' iPhone from vacation!
At the awesome Cascade Lakes Brewing Co. during our Ale Trail!
Where I spent most of my days...Eagle Crest Resort Pool...aka heaven!
And just for fun & reminiscing purposes...
Hard to believe it's already been 3 years!
Many more to come....now if only I could get back in to pre-wedding shape! FALL GOAL! ;)
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Tuesday, July 17, 2012
meh
Let me just put this out there -- I am not the girl that gets excited to go to the gym. I am not the girl who is able to or wants to plan/prepare a weeks worth of meals or snacks. I am definitely not the girl who can do a ton & go to the gym and lose 1-2lbs after all that work.
Want to know how I know this? Because today this has sort of slapped me in the face. Granted I'm trying to just drag my butt to the gym and do something. But boy oh boy is it challenging when you have to face the fact that everything is just going to be a little bit harder. And it's not so stellar to have to come to terms that what I see as a ton of work will not warrant the kind of results I would want or hope for. Blah kind of sad & frustrating all at the same time.
And so I have found myself in a little bit of a funk tonight - trying not to let it overwhelm me. So tomorrow morning, I'll get up early like I have been and take myself to the gym. Small choices piled on top of one another will make a difference later down the road...right?? I sure hope so.
<3
Want to know how I know this? Because today this has sort of slapped me in the face. Granted I'm trying to just drag my butt to the gym and do something. But boy oh boy is it challenging when you have to face the fact that everything is just going to be a little bit harder. And it's not so stellar to have to come to terms that what I see as a ton of work will not warrant the kind of results I would want or hope for. Blah kind of sad & frustrating all at the same time.
And so I have found myself in a little bit of a funk tonight - trying not to let it overwhelm me. So tomorrow morning, I'll get up early like I have been and take myself to the gym. Small choices piled on top of one another will make a difference later down the road...right?? I sure hope so.
<3
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Small Goals
I'm reminded again to set small goals -- rather than focusing on the huge, imposing end result I would like. Often I just lose myself in the mess of things "to do" trying to get to the end. So...with the encouragement of my buddy Mo I'm staying tightly focused on one goal. 5lbs between now & when I leave for vacation....that's a grand total of 17 days from now. Now sure if it's do-able, but dang it I'm going to try!
Goals & gym routines aside, life is good. Sure there are challenges still with figuring out this whole new football life. Sure Isaac & I still have our mis-communications. And sure, work is still beyond challenging at times. But all in all, things are good. Things are better than what they could be. And it's about time I start praising, even the smallest things, my life & the goodness of the Lord in my life. Good ol' Joyce Meyer has been speaking some truth the last few days and it's incredibly challenging to me & the way I've been "doing" my life the last few years. Why waste the opportunity to be blessed or be a blessing to spend time griping or being a pain? It won't and never is easy to re-train your brain or behaviors....and I have a pretty good feeling this will be incredibly difficult, but necessary.
We talked last evening in our girls group about the wide path vs the narrow path. And what does that actually, functionally look like in each of our lives? Is the narrow path the same for everyone or does it vary? How can we walk the narrow path in our thoughts, in our speech, with our family, in our places of work, etc. Thoughts to ponder....
Have a great day friends
<3
Goals & gym routines aside, life is good. Sure there are challenges still with figuring out this whole new football life. Sure Isaac & I still have our mis-communications. And sure, work is still beyond challenging at times. But all in all, things are good. Things are better than what they could be. And it's about time I start praising, even the smallest things, my life & the goodness of the Lord in my life. Good ol' Joyce Meyer has been speaking some truth the last few days and it's incredibly challenging to me & the way I've been "doing" my life the last few years. Why waste the opportunity to be blessed or be a blessing to spend time griping or being a pain? It won't and never is easy to re-train your brain or behaviors....and I have a pretty good feeling this will be incredibly difficult, but necessary.
We talked last evening in our girls group about the wide path vs the narrow path. And what does that actually, functionally look like in each of our lives? Is the narrow path the same for everyone or does it vary? How can we walk the narrow path in our thoughts, in our speech, with our family, in our places of work, etc. Thoughts to ponder....
Have a great day friends
<3
Friday, June 22, 2012
a trip, some photos, & a thought
This past weekend, Isaac & I made our way to Denver. The objective in traveling to the Mile High City: visit with Isaac's brother, wife, & meet our new nephew Kapono. Definitely a trip we were looking forward to - and were happy to add it in to our typical 3 trip/year agenda. I mean who doesn't love holding a cooing baby?! Plus, it was really nice to have some quality time with my brother-in-law & sister-in-law. Time to rest, time to visit, time to just stare at the little guy & chuckle together at his pouty lip (that he is very quickly mastering). Parker man & I decided to stay at a hotel about 15/20 minutes from our family - mostly because I really didn't want to put pressure on them about having to "entertain" us, or worry about waking us or vice versa. It actually worked out really well....because one day my SIL Crystal had some errands to run & the boys wanted to shoot guns. So I dropped Parker man off at their house & made my way back to our hotel to rest, do some work, and putz around. Everyone did what they needed/wanted to do & were happy. Most of all it was just great to build some memories together and visit. Definitely my favorite thing to do. We even cooked up a quick Hawaiian dinner for Matt for his first Father's Day -- and I know being there for that made Isaac super proud of his brother. I can tell how proud he is of Matt & how well/fast he's taken to being a dad. A reminder of all the blessings in our families!
Here are a few photos snapped over the long weekend....sorry for the poor quality, I forgot our camera & only had the trusty iPhone available!
Here are a few photos snapped over the long weekend....sorry for the poor quality, I forgot our camera & only had the trusty iPhone available!
Kapono boy himself -- such a sweet heart! And with reddish/brown hair & light eyes, so cute!
Parker & Kapono visiting -- Pono was a fan of Uncle's tummy!
Big man put the little man in his jammies
On our last morning sitting in Pono's favorite spot -- the front porch.
Sad to leave the little guy but excited to see how he grows!
Parker man found a new "use" for the Boppy...haha
Kapono in love with his "My Little Lamb" swing. He was happy as a clam watching the mobile go round & round.
Isaac & I were reminded of how many blessings there are all around us. Though there are challenges, nothing really outshines or should out weigh the goodness that surrounds. Maybe it's babies that bring things back to center - their needs are simple. Their love pure. A reminder to care for & love one another in that same manner....to only expect people to be exactly who they are & respect them for that.
<3
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Random Thoughts & Photos
Random thoughts for this Wednesday:
1. I love friends who are encouraging, especially in the area of healthy living. I so appreciate encouragement, kind reminders, & grace!
2. It's time to get my hair cut again - but I'm afraid my hair dresser cousin is still going to be disappointed in my "damaged" hair...it's much better than it was previously, but now I'm all anxious about it. Silly I know.
3. Hoping the Ft. Collins, CO fires won't disrupt our travel plans to see family this weekend...must call hotel.
4. Exactly 45 days til our Eagle Crest vacation! HUZZAH! Top 5 favorite places on earth.
5. Can someone please teach me how to be a wash & go kind of girl...I want healthy happy hair, but mine always seems to be a frizzy mess if I leave it to its own devices. Ready go!
Welp, that's all I've got for today friends....
<3
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
do not be afraid
There's been a stirring in my over the last 6-9months. A stirring I've been thoroughly confused by. A stirring that has taken me from one emotion to the next - mostly because I was & still am quite uncertain of what the stirring means.
As a self-proclaimed control "freak" these kinds of stirrings - you know, the ones with no clear direction or meaning - tend to throw me off my game. Truth be told I've mostly been stuffing or ignoring this stirring. Probably because it seemed easier to do that than sit & dig in to what might be behind that stirring (sorry for the extreme use of the word stirring... can't think of a better term).
Last evening I was blessed to be in fellowship with some of the kindest, warmest women I have met. Women who inspire me to be authentic, women who's beauty is far deeper than just what is seen, women who, even if its just in that moment, are not afraid to live from their most confident place. In our study time last evening I had a bit a revelation...that often times I make my own plans and develop entire scenarios/experiences in my own head & completely miss what the Lord is doing or is trying to teach me. Looking back I think of all the things that I have missed -- how sad.
And I'm noticing in the past few days that God is clearly saying to me (the only clear thing I have right now) is to not be afraid. In my weekly memory verse, in my morning study, in the quiet wisdom from trusted friends.
Who knows what that stirring is or what it means. But what I do know is that I will not be afraid. I will trust & I will praise -- because there is nothing that the Lord is doing that will bring harm.
<3
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
As a self-proclaimed control "freak" these kinds of stirrings - you know, the ones with no clear direction or meaning - tend to throw me off my game. Truth be told I've mostly been stuffing or ignoring this stirring. Probably because it seemed easier to do that than sit & dig in to what might be behind that stirring (sorry for the extreme use of the word stirring... can't think of a better term).
Last evening I was blessed to be in fellowship with some of the kindest, warmest women I have met. Women who inspire me to be authentic, women who's beauty is far deeper than just what is seen, women who, even if its just in that moment, are not afraid to live from their most confident place. In our study time last evening I had a bit a revelation...that often times I make my own plans and develop entire scenarios/experiences in my own head & completely miss what the Lord is doing or is trying to teach me. Looking back I think of all the things that I have missed -- how sad.
And I'm noticing in the past few days that God is clearly saying to me (the only clear thing I have right now) is to not be afraid. In my weekly memory verse, in my morning study, in the quiet wisdom from trusted friends.
Who knows what that stirring is or what it means. But what I do know is that I will not be afraid. I will trust & I will praise -- because there is nothing that the Lord is doing that will bring harm.
<3
"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid. What can mere man do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4
Thursday, May 31, 2012
apparently...
so apparently falling off the face of the earth is kind of my thing... i've been totally MIA from here, pretty quiet in the "twitterverse" (please don't judge me for using that term...), and pretty non-existent from instagram. there have been countless times i've logged in, hoping to find some gem ready in my brain to share or to have some creative thing to display. alas i did not...and thus i disappeared.
and in all brutal honesty - i mostly haven't had anything super "worthy" of sharing. there are times that i wonder what the hell i'm even doing. where the hell i'm going. who the hell i'm even becoming....don't you just freakin' love your mid-20's?! talk about inconsistency! compound that with still trying to find my place in this whole football world - it's so much different than the last go around & it's terribly challenging to find my footing.
amidst all of this there has been one thing that has made its self known to me a number of times...and very clearly...
so in the midst of all the confusion, in the dark times of my day or night....i'm trying to remember and hold true to these words. there is a purpose, though it may not be clear right now. it may not be clear for some time. but regardless - i am not here on accident. and my circumstances are not an accident either. in time i'll understand - and for now all i need to know is this.
<3
and in all brutal honesty - i mostly haven't had anything super "worthy" of sharing. there are times that i wonder what the hell i'm even doing. where the hell i'm going. who the hell i'm even becoming....don't you just freakin' love your mid-20's?! talk about inconsistency! compound that with still trying to find my place in this whole football world - it's so much different than the last go around & it's terribly challenging to find my footing.
amidst all of this there has been one thing that has made its self known to me a number of times...and very clearly...
<3
Monday, May 21, 2012
Patience
I love getting the opportunity to spend time at one of my most favorite spots in the world. Washington Family Ranch (previously Wildhorse Canyon) has been, and hopefully always will be, one of the few places I have ever felt completely & totally comfortable. It's a place of peace & clarity. And I am guaranteed each time I go to see someone who I love, respect, and admire.
This past weekend was the 4th annual Women's Weekend - and my first time going. What a joyful, fulfilling time spent with family, new & old friends, and many YL friends also. BUt mostly what I especially love about being there is that I almost always have a moment (or two) of extreme clarity/direction to take back home with me.
Some may not know, but when I was graduating college I nearly went on full time Young Life staff. For a variety of reasons I decided against it -- but this weekend, in particular, was a time when I really caught myself wondering had I made the right choice. Young Life was something I thought I'd always be good at it, I could have done a really good job, and I simply have a deep love for the program and its mission. So during our all camp quiet (30 whole minutes of solitude) I prayed. I prayed & asked the Lord to give me a vision of what I'm supposed to be doing, where I'm supposed to be going. And then I sat....and waited... The moment I sat back up in preparation to head back to the club room, it was like a wave of came over me and the only clear spot was the word "patience." Now I'm not entirely sure what that means right now. Or what that even looks like. But it was so clear, that even the next morning I found myself trying to keep hashing it out, to make sense of it.
Any one who knows me, knows I'm not exactly what you would call a patient person. Heck, I un-wrap & re-wrap my birthday presents.... But I'm willing to submit to this and wait to see what is on the horizon.
<3
This past weekend was the 4th annual Women's Weekend - and my first time going. What a joyful, fulfilling time spent with family, new & old friends, and many YL friends also. BUt mostly what I especially love about being there is that I almost always have a moment (or two) of extreme clarity/direction to take back home with me.
Some may not know, but when I was graduating college I nearly went on full time Young Life staff. For a variety of reasons I decided against it -- but this weekend, in particular, was a time when I really caught myself wondering had I made the right choice. Young Life was something I thought I'd always be good at it, I could have done a really good job, and I simply have a deep love for the program and its mission. So during our all camp quiet (30 whole minutes of solitude) I prayed. I prayed & asked the Lord to give me a vision of what I'm supposed to be doing, where I'm supposed to be going. And then I sat....and waited... The moment I sat back up in preparation to head back to the club room, it was like a wave of came over me and the only clear spot was the word "patience." Now I'm not entirely sure what that means right now. Or what that even looks like. But it was so clear, that even the next morning I found myself trying to keep hashing it out, to make sense of it.
Any one who knows me, knows I'm not exactly what you would call a patient person. Heck, I un-wrap & re-wrap my birthday presents.... But I'm willing to submit to this and wait to see what is on the horizon.
<3
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Circumstances
This may sound silly to many of you -- but I've recently added an item to my morning routine. Never mind I'm still trying to train my body to wake each morning at 6am (or earlier)...unfortunately haven't had much success with that one yet.... Anyway, I digress...
Back to the somewhat silly part -- I started going thru a daily Joyce Meyer devotional on my Bible app. It's been really encouraging. So I was extremely pleased to read that she had launched her own iPhone app.
It was quickly downloaded on my phone & on my drive to work each morning for the past 2-3weeks I've been listening to her radio broadcasts. I use the term "radio" loosely as they're more like 15min snippets of her events broken up in to 5 sections for the week. A much better way to spend the drive in to the office.
This morning's section one part in particular jumped out at me....that we often times surrender to our circumstances & allow Satan to steal our joy, primarily because of pride or standing in a place of unforgiveness/un-resolved anger/an un-loving spirit. Let's talk about 2x4 to the face! Such a truthful statement -- spoken directly to my heart from the Lord.
My resolution: to surrender because Satan can't steal what isn't his to begin with. Joyce's statement ultimately was that circumstances shouldn't steal our joy. And thus - I have my first addition to my "dream" board at work.
I'm trying to think of other things to add, but it's hard to find things to add to a dream board...any one have any more suggestions???
Sidenote...absolutely adoring the beautiful weather here right now. And double bonus to life is that the 10-day forecast just boasts more & more sun! Summer is upon us here in the PNW thank goodness!
<3
Back to the somewhat silly part -- I started going thru a daily Joyce Meyer devotional on my Bible app. It's been really encouraging. So I was extremely pleased to read that she had launched her own iPhone app.
It was quickly downloaded on my phone & on my drive to work each morning for the past 2-3weeks I've been listening to her radio broadcasts. I use the term "radio" loosely as they're more like 15min snippets of her events broken up in to 5 sections for the week. A much better way to spend the drive in to the office.
This morning's section one part in particular jumped out at me....that we often times surrender to our circumstances & allow Satan to steal our joy, primarily because of pride or standing in a place of unforgiveness/un-resolved anger/an un-loving spirit. Let's talk about 2x4 to the face! Such a truthful statement -- spoken directly to my heart from the Lord.
My resolution: to surrender because Satan can't steal what isn't his to begin with. Joyce's statement ultimately was that circumstances shouldn't steal our joy. And thus - I have my first addition to my "dream" board at work.
I'm trying to think of other things to add, but it's hard to find things to add to a dream board...any one have any more suggestions???
Sidenote...absolutely adoring the beautiful weather here right now. And double bonus to life is that the 10-day forecast just boasts more & more sun! Summer is upon us here in the PNW thank goodness!
<3
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Small Changes
Ever had one of those days where you just think to yourself...."this right here, this what I'm doing, just isn't working." From the moment I woke up that's what was running thru my head -- in some form or fashion.
My daily devotional was focused on finding & living in your true identity, found in Christ. On my drive to work, a dear friend called & I am so thankful for the blessing of true, honest friendship. And my work day began with a true, much needed & over due mom/daughter hug.
Let's just say I tried to be aware of myself, my choices, & what not.... But mostly what I tried to do was be aware that I don't want to fight against where I am presently just to fight. Realizing how much energy is spent fighting or being "right."
There are better, more worthy things to be focusing on & putting my energy towards.
<3
My daily devotional was focused on finding & living in your true identity, found in Christ. On my drive to work, a dear friend called & I am so thankful for the blessing of true, honest friendship. And my work day began with a true, much needed & over due mom/daughter hug.
Let's just say I tried to be aware of myself, my choices, & what not.... But mostly what I tried to do was be aware that I don't want to fight against where I am presently just to fight. Realizing how much energy is spent fighting or being "right."
There are better, more worthy things to be focusing on & putting my energy towards.
<3
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
thoughts...
these days my head has been filled to the brim with thoughts. thoughts about work. thoughts about isaac. thoughts about football (ironic i know...). thoughts about my parents. thoughts about my brother. thoughts about my friends. thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. sometimes so many thoughts that my only refuge seems to only be available when i sleep.
waiting & releasing is not exactly a strong suit of mine. in fact it is an area of great weakness. control freak is how i might be described from time to time. this is the first time where i have no control, i have no way to make things move, and i have absolutely no control over what the outcome might be. we are staring two completely different lifestyles in the face and trying to see where God is pointing us. i'll tell ya, it's a challenge! which way do we turn? which step should we take? there's excitement & opportunity in both locales....but which is the right one?
see what i mean? thoughts can be overwhelming....and let's not even throw in the fact that everyone & their MOTHER is having a baby right about now. oh i'm sure we're just at that stage in life where all our friends or friends of friends are having kids. but it doesn't make it any easier some of the time to have to explain why we're choosing not to have kids right now.
sorry for the random thoughts...but like i said, i've been dealing with random, never ending rolls of thoughts running thru my head....
<3
waiting & releasing is not exactly a strong suit of mine. in fact it is an area of great weakness. control freak is how i might be described from time to time. this is the first time where i have no control, i have no way to make things move, and i have absolutely no control over what the outcome might be. we are staring two completely different lifestyles in the face and trying to see where God is pointing us. i'll tell ya, it's a challenge! which way do we turn? which step should we take? there's excitement & opportunity in both locales....but which is the right one?
see what i mean? thoughts can be overwhelming....and let's not even throw in the fact that everyone & their MOTHER is having a baby right about now. oh i'm sure we're just at that stage in life where all our friends or friends of friends are having kids. but it doesn't make it any easier some of the time to have to explain why we're choosing not to have kids right now.
sorry for the random thoughts...but like i said, i've been dealing with random, never ending rolls of thoughts running thru my head....
<3
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Practice Patience
This season right now is one where we're not sure what direction we're going. In fact we're kind of making movements forward in about two or three directions. Not sure how any of them are going to work. Simply moving forward until we are told to stop.
Isaac submitted his application for a head football coaching position at our local high school. It'd be a step up for him professionally, and is something I know without a shadow of a doubt he would be FANTASTIC at. He has that natural ability to assess situations & think logically, without losing the personal side of each situation. But with the school district there are always a certain amount of unknowns.
So it seems fitting that one of my areas of weakness, patience, would be tested in this time. I am not what you would call a patient person. (I am more the person that unwrapped gifts as a child, because the anticipation was more than I could bear) I've been driving by the high school each day praying for God's will to be first, and for Isaac & I to be content in what plan He has for us. Even if that means something different. (super honest moment....sometimes when I talk about this, I feel silly/shallow because on the spectrum of life there are so many other things to be focusing on.....) We've been praying together & individually about what the immediate future holds. And as is fitting, God is using his word to speak to my heart also about being patient, being content, and trusting in Him. Sometimes easier said than done..but each day I try again & try to remain focused.
Lord where are you leading? We are anxiously waiting to see what you have in store. And we know we probably won't make sense of it all until we're at a point where we can look back & see how you pieced it all together. Trying each day to trust, learn, & lean in to you.
<3
Isaac submitted his application for a head football coaching position at our local high school. It'd be a step up for him professionally, and is something I know without a shadow of a doubt he would be FANTASTIC at. He has that natural ability to assess situations & think logically, without losing the personal side of each situation. But with the school district there are always a certain amount of unknowns.
So it seems fitting that one of my areas of weakness, patience, would be tested in this time. I am not what you would call a patient person. (I am more the person that unwrapped gifts as a child, because the anticipation was more than I could bear) I've been driving by the high school each day praying for God's will to be first, and for Isaac & I to be content in what plan He has for us. Even if that means something different. (super honest moment....sometimes when I talk about this, I feel silly/shallow because on the spectrum of life there are so many other things to be focusing on.....) We've been praying together & individually about what the immediate future holds. And as is fitting, God is using his word to speak to my heart also about being patient, being content, and trusting in Him. Sometimes easier said than done..but each day I try again & try to remain focused.
Lord where are you leading? We are anxiously waiting to see what you have in store. And we know we probably won't make sense of it all until we're at a point where we can look back & see how you pieced it all together. Trying each day to trust, learn, & lean in to you.
<3
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Bite The Bullet
Alright it's about time I bite the bullet.... I've finally signed up to take my real estate exam.
I've been working full time with & for my mom in her office since I graduated in 2008. I think having always "worked" with my mom since I was little I have dragged my feet about it.
There's something about working with your parent all that time -- I sometimes get a little worried/consumed with anxiety/fear that I'm doing this to please my mom or be the dutiful daughter. But then there are times when I even catch myself off guard by how good I am (not to sound like an ego-maniac) at what I'm doing here. The positives right now outweigh any fear I have, and I'm sure as time goes on I'll see how I fit & exactly what I bring to the table each & every day
So I'm not going to delay this any further -- rather than just talk about getting my license, I'm going to to do it. My test is scheduled for February 16th. Meaning for the next 30+ days I will be studying my rear end off, taking the test simulator multiple times over, and praying I'm not one of the fateful many that fail the first time thru.
Say a prayer for me as the day draws near...
<3
I've been working full time with & for my mom in her office since I graduated in 2008. I think having always "worked" with my mom since I was little I have dragged my feet about it.
There's something about working with your parent all that time -- I sometimes get a little worried/consumed with anxiety/fear that I'm doing this to please my mom or be the dutiful daughter. But then there are times when I even catch myself off guard by how good I am (not to sound like an ego-maniac) at what I'm doing here. The positives right now outweigh any fear I have, and I'm sure as time goes on I'll see how I fit & exactly what I bring to the table each & every day
So I'm not going to delay this any further -- rather than just talk about getting my license, I'm going to to do it. My test is scheduled for February 16th. Meaning for the next 30+ days I will be studying my rear end off, taking the test simulator multiple times over, and praying I'm not one of the fateful many that fail the first time thru.
Say a prayer for me as the day draws near...
<3
Monday, January 9, 2012
Substance
There have been many times that I log in to my blog and find myself at a loss for what to say...what to share... Tonight is really no different. i love catching up on my favorite blogs -- but a lot of times I worry that what I'm doing/saying is so trivial & lacks any true substance.
And that makes me think of other areas of my life...am I lacking substance in those areas also? Am I coasting thru on the easy stuff & glossing over the real life stuff? It always bothers me when I'm in various situations & I can just tell when people aren't being genuine. When there is something lurking beneath the surface. It always irks me to a degree to go through meetings, coffees, etc with this taking place.
On our trip to Hawaii this year I was able to have a genuine, truthful, kind conversation with Isaac's cousin's wife. It was probably one of the best conversations I have had with any one in that family since we were married. Honestly one of the best nights of our vacation. I can't even begin to explain how comforting it was to be able to share my thoughts, fears, anxieties, thanks without any fear of judgment. It was such a gift to experience & share in that true, real substance.
What about you? A couple posts ago I shared about wanting to fully participate in all areas of my life. To be fully engaged at all times. This is one arena where I definitely need & want to grow in. I want to be share my authentic self with those in my life. I want to feel comfortable to consistently & constantly operate out of my true strengths, and not be so consumed by fear when it comes to my weaknesses. How do you practice or live as your authentic self?
<3
And that makes me think of other areas of my life...am I lacking substance in those areas also? Am I coasting thru on the easy stuff & glossing over the real life stuff? It always bothers me when I'm in various situations & I can just tell when people aren't being genuine. When there is something lurking beneath the surface. It always irks me to a degree to go through meetings, coffees, etc with this taking place.
On our trip to Hawaii this year I was able to have a genuine, truthful, kind conversation with Isaac's cousin's wife. It was probably one of the best conversations I have had with any one in that family since we were married. Honestly one of the best nights of our vacation. I can't even begin to explain how comforting it was to be able to share my thoughts, fears, anxieties, thanks without any fear of judgment. It was such a gift to experience & share in that true, real substance.
What about you? A couple posts ago I shared about wanting to fully participate in all areas of my life. To be fully engaged at all times. This is one arena where I definitely need & want to grow in. I want to be share my authentic self with those in my life. I want to feel comfortable to consistently & constantly operate out of my true strengths, and not be so consumed by fear when it comes to my weaknesses. How do you practice or live as your authentic self?
<3
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