Where is my head....& more importantly my heart?!

Yup I'm that girl who has been swimming just enough to keep my head above water.  Which, in reading back, isn't exactly something to be boasting about.  There are places in my life where I think "Lord, can it get any more busy? Please say no."  And then there are places where I look and think -- man you're kind of lazy.  Finding balance in these two is extremely difficult for me.  

I'm a firm believer that there is a sickness in my generation and it manifests itself in one of two ways....extreme, sickening busyness OR extreme, depressing laziness.  For sure it's a pendulum that swings from one side to the other for me.  I've yet to really find a happy medium between the two, often finding myself sitting on one side or the other.  And let me tell you operating from the extremes is/can be exhausting!  Emotionally, mentally, physically.  Probably the worst side effect of this sickness is the lack of gratitude & thankfulness.  Lacking in this area definitely makes for a ugly yellow/gray outlook on life.  

How dare I be so ungrateful?  How dare I compare my insides with what I think of someone else's outsides?  That's no fair -- to me or them!  How dare I look down my nose at the wonderfully, magical, tender circumstances God has so carefully laid & prepared for me.  He knows me better than all....even better than I know myself.  Where is the gentle thanksgiving in my spirit?  Where did I lose that along the way?  

Conversations over this past weekend & week have brought a spotlight to this in my heart & soul.  A painful recognition that I have underestimated the goodness, and a recognition that the sadness/frustration/angst is rooted from that place -- and not so much in the details I've decided are "wrong."  

Lord forgive me for this arrogance in believing & acting like I knew better.  Forgive me for ripping the control from your tender hands.  Help me Father to trust, even in the smallest of ways. To release & surrender.  For You will never leave nor forsake Your child.  Your goodness can not & will not abandon.  I'm choosing to smile - and to stop myself from grumbling even if about the small "insignificant" things.  "Wrap me in Your arms Lord"
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Life As An Adult

Becoming an "adult," I have found, kind of sneaks up on you...or at least it has snuck up on me.  There are certainly times and situations where I definitely still feel like the kid, the inexperienced one, the naiive one in the group, the childish one.  And then there are times when I am somewhat shocked that I'm the mature one in the situation. Heck -- I have even made my bed every single day (weekends as the exception) for nearly 3 weeks! Crazy I know!

In fact, I'm not entirely sure how this whole adult-hood thing works or how it's supposed to end.  Like, will there be a definitive moment that I'll be able to stop & say...ahh, I've made it!  Logically I know that won't happen - but a girl can dream right?

Lately life has been a total mix of boring normal routine, and fun moments of dreaming of what could be.  What would our lives be in these circumstances.  And then moments of being totally thankful for exactly where we are in our life & for the people/circumstances that make up the details. Maybe that's the biggest hallmark of adult-hood....having the ability to stop, and be grateful & content in any setting.  

How have you or are you coping friends??