I Will Until....

Real talk....marriage is tough, it's challenging, it's not always glamorous.  Sure I wouldn't change or trade anything about being married to the man I love.  But it would be disingenuous to posture as if life were flowers & rainbows every single day.

That being said - as of let a few of our couple friends have been working their way through some pretty tough struggles.  Situations and conversations that aren't always comfortable, that don't have a nicely wrapped up resolution.  Situations and conversations that sometimes lead to more questions than anything.  But only for a period of time. And truthfully the only thing that keeps popping in to my head is a saying my mom shared with me once (during a period of time when it life in the Parker household was challenging)...."I will until..."  This concept didn't make much sense to me at the time.  But each & every time Honey Isaac & I have come to a conversation or season when life seemed particularly hard this has popped up in my head.  I will do everything, I will try anything & everything, I will share, I will confess, I will surrender, I will apologize.... I will.  A choice.  An action.  An active participation.  

My heart aches for our sweet friends and those around us when these seasons rear their ugly heads.  My heart breaks when people give up or surrender too easily or quickly because it doesn't "feel good."  Feelings are so fickle - I'm always shocked how we, myself absolutely 100% included, make so many life changing/altering decisions based on feelings.

Remember my friends.... I will until....
Stepping of my marriage soap box now 

Sometimes It's Just Plain Hard

Have you ever met those couples that just look like they have it all going on?  The ones that are totally in to PDA with no fear of who's around or who might see.  The ones that literally never say anything negative about their spouse (this trait is not one that I disagree with....personally think you should try to never speak ill of the one you love to anyone).    The ones who make everything look & seem so effortless.  If I were to be completely honest -- there are times when I meet these people that I want to shake them.  Shake them and yell that it isn't that easy.  Take it from me, it's not that easy.

Sometimes it's going to bed upset(because honestly, there are times when you need to sleep to cool down), sometimes it's putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher for the 1 millionth time, sometimes it's waiting up to have hard conversations, sometimes it's sacrificing the "big" things for the"small".

With that said -- just because it's sometimes hard doesn't mean that it isn't completely worth it.  Worth every late night conversation.  Worth every mis-understanding so that you can come out on the other side with a better understanding of the person beside you.  Worth every extra dish or load of laundry because those are ways to show your love.  Worth the sacrifice of some things for others that will strengthen your bond.

It is with all humility that I share these thoughts, as I'm not that far down the marriage path.  Barely beyond our 2 year anniversary, and I know there are a wealth of challenges waiting to be faced.  But I can honestly share that everything I have shared with Isaac has impacted & shaped our friendship, our relationship, our marriage & our love.  I couldn't ask for a better partner, friend, cohort, encourager, and support.  Despite the challenges faced and yet to be faced, I know that I have a man by my side who will hold me up in my weakest moments, who will defend my honor until his dying breath, who will love me despite my weaknesses/sinfulness.  And I am eager to do the same and give thanks for the times where I do this for Isaac in return.  

Sure life is hard, marriage is hard, friendships are hard, parenting is hard (I'm sure much harder than I can even imagine), believing is hard, trusting is hard.  But the outcome is often always worth it.  In church yesterday, Pastor Barry shared how Paul never loosened his grip on the truth, the message, & the love freely given from Christ.  In the face of incredible trials, Paul made the conscious choice to continue moving forward....even if it was slow, even in the midst of obstacles....he continued forward.  Progress is progress.  And as my running aunties say, "Miles are miles, no matter how you get 'em."  The truth is so simple.  And for that I am thankful, because the simplicity makes it attainable.  

I will not strive to portray an image of perfection.  Rather I hope to offer a more true picture of a Christ focused, trusting, loving marriage -- a marriage that sticks together in the face of incredible obstacles, a marriage that goes to bat for the other no matter the cost, & a marriage that is honest about the trials.  I shared previously that one of the best pieces of advice I ever received was to be kind to one another.  To add to that, a piece of wisdom shared from our marriage counselor (& one of Isaac's mentors)....Marriage is incredibly difficult.......and incredibly worth it!  May we hold on to that notion thru the good & bad, the easier & more challenging times.  
<3

A Gentle Tug

I have tried to write a post 2 different times now...so hopefully this one can make the cut! Sometimes I frustrate myself -- I start writing about something, something that is going on in my life or that I'm thinking, but for some reason I give up on it.  Most of the time for silly reasons, and some of the time because I'm afraid it isn't impactful enough.  And yes, I know how silly that sounds....

That aside - I've really been thinking lately that I need to & should make a better effort to reach out & connect with Isaac's family.  It's definitely been an experience for me coming in to a new family.  More challenging than I ever thought it would be.  But then again, I probably had an overly idealistic picture of how everything would be right from the get go.  There are so many layers to weed thru when you're marrying in to a new family; family traditions, the language that family speaks (verbally & non-verbally), the expectations, etc.  And to be 100% honest, there feels to me to be added pressures when you combine the "normal" getting to know you factors with 2 very different culture pieces too.  But whatever fear I have shouldn't stop me, that shouldn't intimidate me, that fear shouldn't impact me reaching out & being available.  I married Isaac...and in a way, I married his family too.  They are now my family - they are an extension of the family Isaac & I are creating.  

It seems that every time I try to dig in my heels over something silly around our families God tugs at my heart with a portion of the vows I shared with Isaac...

"Where you go, I will go.

Your people will be my people.

And your God, my God."

 Ok God...I'm listening, finally. Help me to be more understanding, patient, kind, thoughtful & available to Isaac's family.  They played a large part in helping to create the man that I love & treasure.  Help me to treasure them as deeply, while creating/maintaining a healthy balance of expectations & respect.

How did you adapt to your new in-laws & family?

 <3

I'm thankful for the incredible amount of patience Isaac has for me.

I'm not the easiest to deal with all the time - but he is a champ!

Ho Hum

This weekend was jam packed full - from the moment I got off work on Friday until 9pm last night. I was going going going.  I'm not complaining too much because a couple of times in there I got to spend quality time with great girl friends & our husbands.  But that aside I'm pretty tired now that I look back.

I didn't really utilize the weekend the way that I normally do - which is to re-charge & prepare for the coming week.  Mostly this didn't happen of my own accord (I volunteered to work the bridal show on Sunday rather than taking that day off), so it's mostly my fault. 
Now couple that tiredness with an all together uncomfortable (for me anyway) situation & conversation that took place between Isaac & myself.  Confession -- there is one situation in our marriage that makes me entirely uncomfortable and often times I try to avoid it.  I shouldn't. It's part of our marriage, it's a part of him and needs to paid attention to.  But for some reason I just don't want to....bad huh?!  Makes me feel like an awful wife to be quite honest.  Sure I know a lot of people don't dive quite this deep about their relationships/marriages on their blog.  But right now I feel like this is the only safe place for me to "verbalize" it.  I don't know how to change or modify that part of me that avoids this - or even how to change my mindset around it, or how to even begin to modify it.  It's so frustrating & borderline humiliating for me - like what is my issue, what is my problem, what's with the wall?!  I don't want this to be an issue for the rest of our marriage.......

That said...I'm in a definitely ho-hum mood right now.  Don't want to hang with my niece this afternoon, definitely don't want to go to the gym for Zumba (but I still will...made a commitment), and sadly don't want to be around or talk to anyone...
Trying to lean on the Lord and seek wisdom -- well, at this point I'm just being silent & trying to listen as best I can.
How do you maneuver thru these frustrations & walls in your relationships/marriages?
Any & all insight is welcome!
<3