2 Realizations

Since Friday I have been consumed with finding a new car... It's all that comes to mind when I have a moment to myself.  Isaac and I test drove a couple cars the other day which only led to some disappointment...  Which has brought me to my first realization.  I really don't like car shopping; in fact, I actually despise it.  There is nothing fun about it to me - because all the things that are sparkly & nice are like $10,000 more!  And this reformed penny pincher is not about to be car poor....(remember, I said we're Dave Ramsey nuts!).  It is mildly depressing...ok, well maybe it's not that bad at all.  But it's a challenge to say the least.  This car will primarily be my car - and while we have to consider general size of the car for Isaac's comfort - I feel like I should be able to find something that I like that fits our budget.  Yet I'm finding myself getting upset with Isaac when he makes a suggestion.  It really boils down to the fact that I just had shopping for cars and for some reason I'm taking it out on Isaac. 
So prayers on peace, unity & God's will in finding a reliable, budget-friendly, car!

My 2nd realization........ This one is a little more challenging to out right admit, but here it goes.
A lot of the time, I really beat up on myself & don't like myself.  I compare myself so much to those around me, people I see, etc.  To the point where I've even questioned what I bring to the table.  Example: Isaac & I recently were at an event where he introduced me, and for some reason I made a comment to the effect of "don't worry, no one remembers me, but how can you forget a 6' Hawaiian?"  And I thought nothing of it.  Thought nothing of out right saying "no one remembers me."  Honestly, this is how I feel a good portion of the time...and have basically my whole life.  I have a keen ability to remember a lot of people, and a lot about those people -- yet it doesn't seem to reciprocate.  So Satan works his way in with that...if no one remembers you, then you don't really have a lot of value, which in turn means you are useless and unworthy.  Yikes...rough....    How do I combat this awful train of thought and take captive my heart & thoughts again.  It is so frustrating - and so isolating.  I want to talk about with someone but never know how to quite explain it without it sounding like I'm whining or acting crazy or just crying (which comes off very crazy if you ask me).

Just a slump kind of day....
<3