Ever had one of those days where you just think to yourself...."this right here, this what I'm doing, just isn't working." From the moment I woke up that's what was running thru my head -- in some form or fashion.
My daily devotional was focused on finding & living in your true identity, found in Christ. On my drive to work, a dear friend called & I am so thankful for the blessing of true, honest friendship. And my work day began with a true, much needed & over due mom/daughter hug.
Let's just say I tried to be aware of myself, my choices, & what not.... But mostly what I tried to do was be aware that I don't want to fight against where I am presently just to fight. Realizing how much energy is spent fighting or being "right."
There are better, more worthy things to be focusing on & putting my energy towards.
<3
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I promise I'm not dead in a ditch.....
We spent a lovely week in Las Vegas at a nice, quiet "resort" just outside of the strip -- which was actually very nice. We were a 10min drive to the heart of the action but were far enough away that we could escape for peace & quiet. My mom & I tried not to work, but there was one morning when I worked the entire morning. And though I'm not proud of my actions -- I had a bit of a melt down. It was ugly. It was not fun. It was exhausting. And it just bred feelings of embarrassment & annoyance with myself after the fact. The realization I had shortly after my "melt down" was that I have incredibly gracious people around me. Though most of the time I really do not deserve their grace & understanding.
Second realization of the week came when I got home. Looking back at the week, my vacation, there were more times that I was stressed/focused on work. I used to be able to disconnect and dis-engage easily. And now it's as though I'm completely unable to let go. I get stressed to the max over small, insignificant things. And I HATE(D) how I feel. So it quickly became decision time. Do I sit in this insanity....doing the same thing over & over again, expecting a different result. Or take a step for additional help & information. So I've decided to looking in to meeting with a therapist/counselor -- I need different tools to process those stressful situations, to approach & handle those situations.
Truth be told, there's still a little voice trying to pipe up that "only the weak go see people....only damaged people need to pay to talk to someone" It's an ugly, ugly voice. A voice that I know will try to make its presence known the entire journey. But I'm blessed with wonderful family & friends. One who, when I finally told her my thoughts, immediately sent me a list of recommendations & told me she'd be checking in to see if/when I made the first contact.
It is scary to be sharing this -- but I know that's only my pride trying to take over. I'm not perfect & should expect myself to be. God is forever molding me, I am a work in progress. And I'd rather look & ask for help instead of going to a dark place of despair.
Sorry for the somber post after being gone for so long -- but it's worth it to me, to be authentic & honest. Here we go...
<3
Second realization of the week came when I got home. Looking back at the week, my vacation, there were more times that I was stressed/focused on work. I used to be able to disconnect and dis-engage easily. And now it's as though I'm completely unable to let go. I get stressed to the max over small, insignificant things. And I HATE(D) how I feel. So it quickly became decision time. Do I sit in this insanity....doing the same thing over & over again, expecting a different result. Or take a step for additional help & information. So I've decided to looking in to meeting with a therapist/counselor -- I need different tools to process those stressful situations, to approach & handle those situations.
Truth be told, there's still a little voice trying to pipe up that "only the weak go see people....only damaged people need to pay to talk to someone" It's an ugly, ugly voice. A voice that I know will try to make its presence known the entire journey. But I'm blessed with wonderful family & friends. One who, when I finally told her my thoughts, immediately sent me a list of recommendations & told me she'd be checking in to see if/when I made the first contact.
It is scary to be sharing this -- but I know that's only my pride trying to take over. I'm not perfect & should expect myself to be. God is forever molding me, I am a work in progress. And I'd rather look & ask for help instead of going to a dark place of despair.
Sorry for the somber post after being gone for so long -- but it's worth it to me, to be authentic & honest. Here we go...
<3
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Vacation on the Brain
Wow I have been totally MIA -- haven't been reading, haven't been blogging, barely staying on top of my instagram feed. The only things I have been able to do are work, sleep, work, laundry, work, and a very few work outs. In fact I've been trying to get creative about how I put together some short, effective work outs. I'm finding that I get bored easily...so it's becoming my challenge.
So with that....I apologize for the radio silence. Hopefully while we're on vacation next week I can get some time to really sit down and do some real life reflection. But let me just tell you -- I have been needing this vacation in the worst kind of way. This month at work has been exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. There have been moments of joy at beating a collections company. But boy have there been moments(especially in the past few days) where it takes all I have within me to keep it together & stay focused. Today for example it was non stop work from 8am til 6pm with about a 20min lunch that was more completing tasks for my mom or Isaac. Which is totally fine to a degree, because I certainly know that everything has to be in line before we leave. Man it takes it out of you though! I'm ready for quiet, rest, laughter, good food and yes....even a few work outs!
<3
So with that....I apologize for the radio silence. Hopefully while we're on vacation next week I can get some time to really sit down and do some real life reflection. But let me just tell you -- I have been needing this vacation in the worst kind of way. This month at work has been exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. There have been moments of joy at beating a collections company. But boy have there been moments(especially in the past few days) where it takes all I have within me to keep it together & stay focused. Today for example it was non stop work from 8am til 6pm with about a 20min lunch that was more completing tasks for my mom or Isaac. Which is totally fine to a degree, because I certainly know that everything has to be in line before we leave. Man it takes it out of you though! I'm ready for quiet, rest, laughter, good food and yes....even a few work outs!
<3
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Where's The Commitment?
This is the question I've been asking myself these last two weeks...where's the commitment? Who would I be asking this question of you might be wondering. Simply put....myself. How many times can I start over? How many times do I need to wonder when I'll get it or when I'll buy in?
Last week I had a conversation with my mom....and even though I didn't quite want to hear what she had to say, there was one nugget that stood out. She told me that she has always seen me keep myself from being great. Ugh...talk about gut check.
I've spent the last week or so trying to figure out where that comes from. Definitely not the easiest thing to unpack, and I certainly haven't dug my way to the source, yet. Likely I'll try to understand that part of myself for the rest of my life. But what I have decided is that I need to stop getting in my own way. I step in after a big of progress and "find" or "realize" some road block that is present to keep me from moving forward (silly, right?).
On a lighter note -- I'm so thankful for good friends. Late night BINGO sessions (that ultimately were a bust sadly), selling a wedding gown to a uber down to earth bride (think classy white informal gown...no lace here ladies & gents), & an entire afternoon with two of my favorite cousins (favorite cousin by blood & favorite cousin by marriage). Tasha & Chad are the greatest -- if you could ever meet these two, they would instantly be your favorite people on earth.
How do you commit to things or honor those commitments when life gets hard or in the way?
<3
Last week I had a conversation with my mom....and even though I didn't quite want to hear what she had to say, there was one nugget that stood out. She told me that she has always seen me keep myself from being great. Ugh...talk about gut check.
I've spent the last week or so trying to figure out where that comes from. Definitely not the easiest thing to unpack, and I certainly haven't dug my way to the source, yet. Likely I'll try to understand that part of myself for the rest of my life. But what I have decided is that I need to stop getting in my own way. I step in after a big of progress and "find" or "realize" some road block that is present to keep me from moving forward (silly, right?).
On a lighter note -- I'm so thankful for good friends. Late night BINGO sessions (that ultimately were a bust sadly), selling a wedding gown to a uber down to earth bride (think classy white informal gown...no lace here ladies & gents), & an entire afternoon with two of my favorite cousins (favorite cousin by blood & favorite cousin by marriage). Tasha & Chad are the greatest -- if you could ever meet these two, they would instantly be your favorite people on earth.
How do you commit to things or honor those commitments when life gets hard or in the way?
<3
Friday, March 9, 2012
Eleven??
Welp -- it's been a few days since I last got on here to blog. But as luck would have it, right when I feel as though I have nothing interesting to say, the wonderful Mary Gene tagged me in this post & now I have something to write! Huzzah for all! Here we go....
The Rules:
1. Post these rules
2. Post a photo of yourself & 11 random facts about you.
3. Answer the questions given to you in the tagger's post.
4. Create 11 new questions & tag people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/twitter & let them know they've been tagged!
Husband + me at my best friend's wedding...
as you can see I married a real goof ball :)
11 Random Facts About Me:
1. I am the 4th generation of "Anna" in my mom's family & I'm trying to convince my little brother to name his first daughter after me to keep it going.
2. I folded 1,001 paper cranes before Isaac & I got married....it took me about 4 months.
3. Both my parents were in the Marine Corps...& no I never wanted to go in to the military.
4. I am a reality TV junkie
5. I never liked football before I married my husband -- it's grown on me now.
6. Even the thought of mayonnaise and/or mustard on a sandwich (or anything) makes me gag.
7. I have an allergy to sulfites -- drinking red wine makes me get REAL red & REAL hot REAL quick...it's annoying
8. My grandma gave two children up for adoption when they were born, and both children found & reconnected with our family...it's always crazy to see my "new" cousins & see so many similar family features.
9. My Grandma Jewell's 2nd cousin is Beverly Cleary -- they grew up together in Yamhill.
10. I really want to learn the native Hawaiian language.
11. I'm great at starting books....not so great at finishing them.
Questions (I'm gonna do the same ones MG did...)
1. Best childhood memory? Summers spent at Eagle Crest with my family...it's the best place around here to just relax and be a kid!
2. Your favorite/go to movie. The one you could watch a million times? Probably When Harry Met Sally, The Glenn Miller Story, or South Pacific.
3. If you were driving right now, what music/song would you be singing along to? Definitely anything on the oldies rock station 92.3...it's my sunny weather music!
4. .......I'm gonna skip this question MG...I don't have a camera...whoops!
5. Favorite saying or inspirational quote? "Hurt people hurt people" "Beauty fades...dumb is forever."
6. Who do you look up to the most? Cliche as it may be...probably my parents more than anyone. Both had incredibly challenging childhoods, for different reasons, but both decided not to let that hold them back. They went on to live excellent lives and excel at everything they did.
7. Favorite TV show? Biggest Loser, House Hunters, Big Brother, NCIS, Law & Order...and a few others.... Isaac says I'm a "reality TV" junkie...and I've confessed to it as well.
8. Which store would you choose to max your credit card out at? If I allowed myself to do such a thing it'd probably be at like JCrew or Banana Republic or something. Of Z Gallerie and totally make over my entire casa.
9. Coffee or tea? COFFEE NO QUESTION!
10. If you could go anywhere in the world, with anyone in the world....where & who? Bali, Tahiti, OR Norway (crazy I know)....and obviously Isaac & my family.
11. The last sweet/funny/crazy/cute thing your kiddon/grand-babe said or did? Well, considering I don't have either of those...I'll share what my niece recently told me. She's 13, almost 14 & will be a freshman next year. Recently accepted the Lord, and Wednesday shared with me that she had a revelation that she shouldn't be judging friends of her friends, because God loves them as much as He loves her. And she is in no position to judge like that given that she needs Jesus as much as everyone else. Uhh....WOW insightful 13yr old. Love that kid.
11 NEW Questions for you!
1. Least favorite subject in high school
2. Who was your childhood hero?
3. What major US city could you see yourself living in?
4. Biggest fear?
5. If you could go back to college, what would you study?
6. Have you ever wanted to learn another language? Which one?
7. Coca-Cola or Pepsi?
8. What is your favorite way to relax?
9. Favorite current obsession?
10. Who is your favorite sporting team?
11. How would you spend $10million?
Who I'm Tagging:
1. Natalie Adventures As Mrs. Janey
2. Mandee [the bear naked truth]
3. Leesh The Blarkness Chronicles
4. Monica homemade by monica
5. Kayla Kayla Danelle
I realize this is a silly posting....but honestly, the only other things running thru my brain are all football related. And well, I'm stopping myself from posting anything else about football right now. Yeesh it sure can take over quickly!
<3
Monday, March 5, 2012
Craziness Has Begun!
Life as I once knew it has gone. We're nearing two weeks of Isaac being the head coach at McNary & I can already see (as I mentioned previously) how life is going to be drastically different. Being the wife of a head coach carries with it different expectations, different responsibilities, and carrying oneself with a different air than being the wife of a coordinator or even position coach. Man....reading that back, I sound like such a snob...definitely not my intention!! Perhaps that's going to be an area of heightened awareness for me....
Thankfully I've been reading thru Joyce Meyer's "Confident Woman" devotional on my trust iPhone each day. Let me tell you -- a number of days I have sat back and thanked the Lord for speaking to me right then & there about my heart, my intentions, my "plans" for my life & Isaac's life, & for the way I care for those around me. And in His perfect way, God has already brought me two distinct instances where I had to stop and lean on His guidance first. But probably the thing I'm hoping to be a part of in this process is helping to create a real community between the other coach's wives/girlfriends. I'm hopeful that God will provide for the right way to bring this to be for our community. But right now I'm excited to see who God brings to the surface for other coaches & how they will interact with Isaac as he continues down the road as head coach. Will you continue to pray with/for us? Pray for humility, pray for a meek spirit, pray for enthusiasm from kids/parents/teachers/administration/community, pray that relationships come first & confidence that from these relationships success will also come, and please pray that above all the Lord be glorified in this adventure!
Oh...and also, could you pray that my heart would be protected from being sucked in to sinful "what about me" thoughts. That I would have a servants heart to help walk alongside Isaac, to help in any way I can, and to also be a voice of clarity & truth to him.
And if you haven't read much of Joyce Meyer -- take a chance, she's pretty good. :)
<3
Thankfully I've been reading thru Joyce Meyer's "Confident Woman" devotional on my trust iPhone each day. Let me tell you -- a number of days I have sat back and thanked the Lord for speaking to me right then & there about my heart, my intentions, my "plans" for my life & Isaac's life, & for the way I care for those around me. And in His perfect way, God has already brought me two distinct instances where I had to stop and lean on His guidance first. But probably the thing I'm hoping to be a part of in this process is helping to create a real community between the other coach's wives/girlfriends. I'm hopeful that God will provide for the right way to bring this to be for our community. But right now I'm excited to see who God brings to the surface for other coaches & how they will interact with Isaac as he continues down the road as head coach. Will you continue to pray with/for us? Pray for humility, pray for a meek spirit, pray for enthusiasm from kids/parents/teachers/administration/community, pray that relationships come first & confidence that from these relationships success will also come, and please pray that above all the Lord be glorified in this adventure!
Oh...and also, could you pray that my heart would be protected from being sucked in to sinful "what about me" thoughts. That I would have a servants heart to help walk alongside Isaac, to help in any way I can, and to also be a voice of clarity & truth to him.
And if you haven't read much of Joyce Meyer -- take a chance, she's pretty good. :)
<3
Thursday, March 1, 2012
where has the time gone...
First off may I just mention how bananas it is that it's March 1st already! March 1st! Weird...
That aside, not much to share unfortunately. Except the fact that I'm already seeing how much different my life will be as the wife of a head coach. It's March, honey is still at current high school & they're in the works to get him moved to McNary. But at this point, he's getting uber focused on finding his staffing, getting connected to kids/parents, and just flat out hitting the ground running. And here's what I'm already seeing....my commitment/responsibilities at the house have gone & will go through the roof! But yet I'm still beyond excited for Isaac & what's to come!
But more on that later...because I'm off to girls night for drinks & gabbing!
<3
That aside, not much to share unfortunately. Except the fact that I'm already seeing how much different my life will be as the wife of a head coach. It's March, honey is still at current high school & they're in the works to get him moved to McNary. But at this point, he's getting uber focused on finding his staffing, getting connected to kids/parents, and just flat out hitting the ground running. And here's what I'm already seeing....my commitment/responsibilities at the house have gone & will go through the roof! But yet I'm still beyond excited for Isaac & what's to come!
But more on that later...because I'm off to girls night for drinks & gabbing!
<3
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