We spent a lovely week in Las Vegas at a nice, quiet "resort" just outside of the strip -- which was actually very nice. We were a 10min drive to the heart of the action but were far enough away that we could escape for peace & quiet. My mom & I tried not to work, but there was one morning when I worked the entire morning. And though I'm not proud of my actions -- I had a bit of a melt down. It was ugly. It was not fun. It was exhausting. And it just bred feelings of embarrassment & annoyance with myself after the fact. The realization I had shortly after my "melt down" was that I have incredibly gracious people around me. Though most of the time I really do not deserve their grace & understanding.
Second realization of the week came when I got home. Looking back at the week, my vacation, there were more times that I was stressed/focused on work. I used to be able to disconnect and dis-engage easily. And now it's as though I'm completely unable to let go. I get stressed to the max over small, insignificant things. And I HATE(D) how I feel. So it quickly became decision time. Do I sit in this insanity....doing the same thing over & over again, expecting a different result. Or take a step for additional help & information. So I've decided to looking in to meeting with a therapist/counselor -- I need different tools to process those stressful situations, to approach & handle those situations.
Truth be told, there's still a little voice trying to pipe up that "only the weak go see people....only damaged people need to pay to talk to someone" It's an ugly, ugly voice. A voice that I know will try to make its presence known the entire journey. But I'm blessed with wonderful family & friends. One who, when I finally told her my thoughts, immediately sent me a list of recommendations & told me she'd be checking in to see if/when I made the first contact.
It is scary to be sharing this -- but I know that's only my pride trying to take over. I'm not perfect & should expect myself to be. God is forever molding me, I am a work in progress. And I'd rather look & ask for help instead of going to a dark place of despair.
Sorry for the somber post after being gone for so long -- but it's worth it to me, to be authentic & honest. Here we go...
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Nice post. Good luck. You might like this post about not being perfect. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2012/04/im-worth-it.html
ReplyDeleteI've been seeing a therapist for about 9 months now and it is one of the best decisions I have made. It has helped me through all my medical stuff SO MUCH. I think it takes a strong person to admit that they should talk to someone else. We weren't designed to walk through life alone. Why should we have to handle our stresses alone? And you have had a TON of changes lately which is super stressful. I haven't shared on my blog that I have been seeing a therapist because I have been too scared. You are a strong and brave woman!
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