I Survived San Francisco!

Well I have returned from San Francisco - a newly designated "half-marathoner." The entire weekend was so fun, so fulfilling, so envigorating, and also so exhausting! But everything we did led up to our 5:30am morning on Sunday to get ready for the race! Well..I guess I should start the beginning of the weekend and go from there....

Friday started off with getting picked up at my house by Cheryl, Monique & Kiersten - we then picked up Diane at her work and headed off to PDX to catch our flight. We killed some time by grabbing dinner and putzing around the airport. Once we landed in SFO we had to trapse over to the AirTrain to then catch the BART into downtown San Francisco. After this trek, one would think the journey would end. But no - not for us...we then proceeded to haul our suitcases & ourselves up the legendary San Francisco hills to our hotel. A total of 5 uphill blocks before reaching our destination. Upon entering the hotel, no one spoke a work...just heavy breaths & slight damp brows. We dropped off our bags in our room & went down to meet up with Monique's aunts & cousin to visit for a bit before heading off to bed.
With the new morning brought a whole different view of the Union Square area of San Francisco. The remaining NWM participants descended upon Union Square (ourselves included) to pick up their race packets and enjoy the expotique. We quickly fell in line, picked up our packets & started to meander thru the expo. There were stations to engrave your ipod/iphones, check out your running style & what shoe fits it, a station to get on stationary bikes to make smoothies, and an oxygen bar -- to name a few. This was a great way to start off a very fun day. Afterwards we made our way to Niketown and shopped a bit for a few more memorable items to commemorate our time in San Fran & propmptly made our way to Macy's to enjoy some Starbucks & rest our legs! That's when my parents showed up! My wonderful parents & brother were able to join me in San Francisco & cheer me on during the race. I really have a hard time putting it into words how much it meant to have them there with me. They definitely gave me that boost during the race when I needed it. The rest of the afternoon was spent riding trolley cars, visiting Ghirardelli square, eating, and visiting with my family.

Then before I knew it I was waking up on race day. Thankfully the night before I had layed out every piece of clothing & gear that I would need thru out the day so I only had to wake up & get dressed & go. After meeting up with the rest of Monique's family, we trekked down to Union Square - only to be met by thousands & thousands of other women (and some men too) prepping for the race. Dropped off our check bags & made our way to our pace section. Then the waiting began.
As soon as we were able to cross the line I knew this was a big accomplishment for me. I was going to finish this race, even if I had to cry crossing the finish line. I was finishing. Monique and I stuck together thru the entirety of the race - and for that I am incredibly thankful! What a blessing to have a friend to be encouraged by, to be challenged by, and to run by thru this entire race. When one of us needed to walk, no problem! If one of us needed to use the restroom, no problem! We were in it together! And as I said, seeing my parents through out the race course definitely helped me finish! I could start to feel the effects about mile 12 - my foot starting to cramp up, the downhills of San Francisco coming in to full swing on my knees -- but I didn't care...I was pushing thru no matter what. And Monique & I finished together - we crossed the finish line together & received our Tiffany finishers necklace from cute fireman together! And to top it all off -- there were my parents & brother right there at the finish line to give hugs & congrats. They are amazing!!!! How lucky am I??

Altough being stranded in SFO for 8 hours with a delayed flight - this last weekend taught me a great deal about myself & about my friendships & about my family. I wish my husband could have celebrated with us - but duty calls during football season (although he was incredibly sweet & sent flowers to my hotel for me). I have learned that I can push thru the pain. I have learned that real friends stand by you no matter where you are in the race or how you're feeling during the race. I have learned that when I focus on a goal I am going to finish it no matter what! I have learned that my family is incredibly more supportive than I ever would have imagined or deserved.
God is good and He is faithful -- I prayed a lot thru the race and He was with me every step of the way.

An overall extremely successful & meaningful weekend - that I will remember for the rest of the days of my life! On to the next race!!

The Final Countdown! Nike Women's Half Marathon!

I am on the cusp of an adventure I started training for months ago. An adventure I honestly never thought I would ever dream of volunteering for. But an adventure for which I am so incredibly excited!

This Friday, I will be traveling with great friends to San Francisco, CA to participate in the annual Nike Women's Half- & full Marathon thru the streets of the Bay City. I probably should have been blogging about this the entire length of this journey - rather than wait til the end. But I didn't & here I am. This event is going to be so much fun! 20,000 women running wild thru the streets of San Fran, completeing the race for inifite reasons, and all with the goal of crossing that finish line. And did I mention that at that finish line every finisher receives a custom Nike Women's necklace - specially designed by Tiffany&Co.?! Yes - that's right, every last woman will walk away with their own "medal" in that perfectly recognizable blue box. Talk about motivation!

Though those reasons - along with all the other "perks" of this race - are incredibly enticing, I must admit I have other motivations behind running this weekend. Never one to call myself a "runner" I was talked into joining a local women's running clinic last fall - under the guise that you mostly walk in this group. Well low & behold, 2 weeks in & we're running. But in the time between that first real run with the women's clinic & today I have found my running spirit, my running identity, and a love for running I never believed(or would have believed) I had. There is something about running, preferrably with friends, that clears my mind - helps me focus - opens doors and screens in my soul & heart, that I haven't or hadn't experienced in other ways. Yes, being active lowers stress levels & is naturally good for the body. But this has modified my entire approach to running.

Now don't be fooled -- I still wouldn't consider myself to be of a "runner's physique" or even genetically created to be a runner. But that aside, I am a runner. I have run in the heat. I have run in the cold. I have run in the rain. I have run in the morning, in the afternoon, & even into the evening. And thankfully - and what I believe has contributed so much to my new love & appreciation for running -- I have ran the entire time with people who have become dear friends. With people who are willing to flex with how a person feels or with whatever running level they are at. With people who challenge me to be a better runner, a better friend, a better wife, & a better person...and laugh & love the whole time. I'd have to say that is the best part - even on those long runs, those brutal 8+mi. runs there always seems to be something that will get us laughing hysterically.

So here I stand - as I said - on the cusp of a new adventure! I'm not nervous. I'm not scared. I'm not doubting my abilities at all. I am strong! I am excited! And I know that I have prepared for this & will compete & finish this race with my head high & a smile on my face!..... oh! And did I mention that my parents will be flying down from OR and my brother up from San Diego to support me in this new adventure? Really - this couldn't be a better set of ingredients for a wonderful weekend. Well, except to have the husband there as well -- but football duties call! It is fall after all!

Thru this running reflection, and the last few days -- I have been encountering the sweet grace of my Lord. This past Sunday a fairly popular hymn was sung - "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." I had to be reminded of that fact -- not only reminded, but shaken with the fact that my Lord is also my friend. And that I was not taking my hurts, confusions, frustrations to Him.

My husband is a blessing. My mentors are a blessing. My family is a blessing. My friends are a blessing. But Jesus -- He is a blessing, He is Lord, He is Mighty, He is King, He is Salvation, He is Righteous, He is my Father....He is my Friend. Praying that you may find your way in any situation to your Friend too...

Love & Blessings

p.s. be praying for my young brother - waiting on his next set of orders for his next duty station. We are praying that with all that is going on overseas that the Lord would protect him and/or prepare our family for the next step in his Naval career! Thanks!

Etc, Etc, Etc

One of the most exciting days of my life has taken place in the past few months. A day that so many long for, are patient for, and a day that some never see. I was blessed to be able to marry my best friend, Isaac. And I am incredibly thankful for that - for him. Yet here I am on a Sunday afternoon having spent a good portion of the day with him & with my large family and all I can seem to think about is me...in varying degrees. Am I too fat? I really do want to do those half-marathons & it isn't fair that we're spending $700+ for 5 months of the year that you aren't using the golf course yet I am overspending us because I want to do those half-marathons. What am I missing? What adventure have I given up? Did I make the right choice in getting married. In the words of the King of Siam (The King & I) "Etc, Etc, Etc"

How in the world did I become so self focused, so self-centered, so self-aware. I mean I realize my whole life I have probably been more self-aware than most kids -- and at times that created a lot of heartache & missed opportunities. But this is teetering on reaching an all time high. Perhaps its the face that I am alone a good portion of the time and have no reason to ponder thoughts about any one else but myself - but regardless.

So much has changed in the last few months, and yet I feel like I am stuck in the middle of somewhere & that no place of comfort will be found. Satan is pulling me in all directions & I can feel all the while he is merely pulling me out into the deep -- where I will be completely vulnerable, completely alone, and completely disoriented; giving him the freedom & power to pounce on my soul. How did I get to this place? How can I be standing in a place so soon after my wedding wondering if I made the right choice in marrying my husband? How can I be in this place not wanting to share my thoughts with him, feeling like he hasn't yet allowed me into the place of communing together -- walking to the throne of the king together. This transition is so challenging - yes my relationship with Christ is mine, and his is his....but where is the relationship that "we" have with Christ... I feel alone...

Today at church a video was played with the theme being that if you cry out to the Lord, He will set you free. Well I'm here Lord -- crying out. Where are you? I need you -- help me to be rid of these thoughts, this anguish, this fear. I desperately cry out for freedom - so much so that it hurts. I've never really surrendered - but Lord I am crying out, screaming, on my knees.... I choose you...and I choose freedom. Will you forgive this child?

Letting Go & Moving On...I think

For the majority of my formative teenage and young adult years I have been involved with an organization that was near & dear to my heart. The majority of my most treasured memories & experiences stem from activities with this group. In fact the man I'm dating, and plan to marry, was involved in the same group - and it's how we met. There are so many aspects that I love about this group...

...Yet more and more lately I'm finding myself less engulfed by its presence, by its influence. I see people doing things I used to do, being with people I used to spend time with - and I don't really see myself fitting in that picture anymore. It's really odd...surreal almost. Because for a time I was a significant piece in that puzzle - there were some who truly believed that I would be one of those people who gets involved and stays involved for the remainder of their life. That I would be the stand out individual for that organization in my area. And maybe I will be...but right now I don't know how I could be.

So much of me feels like the odd man out - is it because I really don't fit anymore (if I ever did in the first place) or am I just fighting reality that I so desperately want to be accepted by these people and am too scared to put myself out there for fear of rejection? I don't know ---well that's a lie, I do know. It's a mixture of so many things I think. I love to support this mission - I love what it is about - I love what it generally does. I struggle with its day to day existence. Which saddens me honestly.

It's really hard to feel like all of your friends were only you friends if you were involved...and once my allegiance or membership changes, the phone calls stop, the calendars book up faster, etc.


It's hard to feel alone with all these people around - but some how I do.

Is anyone out there?
a.mac

A Place to Empty My Thoughts

Blogging hasn't really been my "thing" since I was in about 9th grade - when it was all the rage to have & keep a LiveJournal. And at that time I suppose the main reason that I had one was to stay connected with my friends - share my most recent experiences in the halls of my high school - or bemoan the strict nature of my parents. But that quickly got old as new distractions kept popping up.

So I return to the world of blogging, not really sure of what (if anything) I will say, share, discuss, etc. I guess I'll start with the basics...

I'm 22 years old - living in the same town I was born in, which is the same town my father was born & raised in. Live with my parents whom I love, but struggle to understand from time to time...maybe because we're so different, yet so similar. I've had your pretty average home life and a fairly stereotypical suburban childhood. But you won't find me complaining about that - within that entire experience I've felt more love & support from my parents & brother than I could ever imagine. I'm happy & more than thankful for my immediate family - we are each other's glue, what keep one another sane in a world that is otherwise insanity itself, and we honor the strengths that everyone brings to the table. I'm dating a wonderful man, who makes me smile virtually every time I'm with him - who challenges me to grow, let people in to that place in my heart where people truly know who I am, and who loves me unconditionally - no matter what struggles we face. Life has been fairly ideal - for which I am thankful.

Despite this existence - I often find myself struggling with thoughts of where my purpose is. What am I doing here? Why does it seem so hard to find people who track with what I'm saying, doing, etc? Am I ever going to find female friends that love, encourage, challenge me in a way that I've never had before. Why do I always feel awkward around a group of people that I used to spend so much time with in an organization that used to be an integral part of my life???

So I suppose that's why I started walking back into the world of blogging. Maybe if I just have an outlet to release thoughts, pains, frustrations, joys, etc back into the world I'll find clarity and/or direction. It's got to be better to release & process thru this stuff rather than shoving it inward and acting like nothing has happened or that I feel nothing.

This strong, young woman needs a safe, soft place to be honest, even silly about her thoughts sometimes...hopefully this will be my avenue to do so.

a.mac