meh

Let me just put this out there -- I am not the girl that gets excited to go to the gym. I am not the girl who is able to or wants to plan/prepare a weeks worth of meals or snacks.  I am definitely not the girl who can do a ton & go to the gym and lose 1-2lbs after all that work.


Want to know how I know this?  Because today this has sort of slapped me in the face.  Granted I'm trying to just drag my butt to the gym and do something. But boy oh boy is it challenging when you have to face the fact that everything is just going to be a little bit harder.  And it's not so stellar to have to come to terms that what I see as a ton of work will not warrant the kind of results I would want or hope for.  Blah kind of sad & frustrating all at the same time.


And so I have found myself in a little bit of a funk tonight - trying not to let it overwhelm me.  So tomorrow morning, I'll get up early like I have been and take myself to the gym.  Small choices piled on top of one another will make a difference later down the road...right?? I sure hope so.
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beyond ready

at this point in the day i am beyond ready for the weekend.  ready to get out of the confines of my office.  ready to get away from nutty clients & annoying office politics.  and i am more than ready to not have to think about every single thing that i'm doing & how it's being perceived and/or interpreted.

why do people always have to assume that something is wrong with me because my door is shut. i'm freakin' working people.  urgh

i am thankful that the sun is out, it's at least been nice to be wearing my sunglasses....a rare event in OR in February.  and so the only thing on my agenda this evening is to get dinner for my sick husband, put on my jammies, and curl up in bed to catch up on my DVR. can not wait!
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Words..

There are so many thoughts running around my head right now.  Thoughts that I should probably keep to myself until they are filtered.  Thoughts that are likely being tainted by other feelings I'm having about totally different situations.  And thoughts that I'm not entirely sure how to fully express...


And with all those blocks, I don't quite have words...heck, I have no words that would be any kind of sense.  




One of those times when it's likely better to just put myself to bed.  So that is precisely what I am going to do....

Why Bother

I have reached a limit with these short sales -- I have reached a limit in dealing with impatient, bratty buyers -- I have reached a limit in my stress around working files really hard -- I have reached a limit.

Here's how my morning has gone thus far -- FINALLY get conditional approval from a bank (mind you only 60 days from original submission, and it had to go thru additional FHA/HUD hoops) and when we call to let the agent know the only thing he can say is that he's re-sending the termination over.  The buyers have found another house.  Never you mind that they will NEVER get in to another house as quick as they could with THIS file now that we have the approval IN HAND! They don't care...they're moving on regardless.

This type of stuff just wears me down and tires me out....UGH is all I have left to say.
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Hit By A Bus

You know when you're just mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted?  To the point where you feel like you've been hit by a bus?!  This is my state right now.


Today was awful in the sense that a short sale file feels like it is running down hill so quick and there is nothing that I can do to fix it or stop it or ensure that this gets closed.  I hate this feeling that I have absolutely no control over it.  I've been working so hard on this file and this stupid bank (*cough EMC cough*) is re-nigging on the details they said would work to get it closed.  It is so frustrating to feel like you've got it figured out and at the 11th hour they go back on their deal.


One good thing was that in the midst of that frustration I was able to be honest with my mom about where I was at & what I was feeling.  I think she is finally understanding that we handle stressful situations differently - but I still accomplish what she wants me to get done.  So that was positive.


Ugh....Say a prayer for this file and for me.  
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Taxes Suck

That's right I said it!
I wanna give the bird to the IRS and those crazies in Washington (and Salem too) who think that raising taxes is a good idea - even in this kind of economy.

Hey - it's about time to wake up & understand how it really hits the every day person!  Let me just tell you a little of my story from this month.  I work on salary basis, but have the opportunity for bonus each month.  Primarily stemming from working my arse off on working the short sales in our office.  My boss is very generous to offer a bonus for working these files - as they often take months of hounding banks to get them to work with us & approve the short sale.   I also have the blessing of receiving other opportunities for bonuses - again for which I work my butt off.
Now I about killed myself on about 3 files this month of our 7 closings - anticipating my paycheck to be about double what it normally is(base + bonus).  But nooooo....good ol' Uncle Sam took about 40% of that right off the top.  Rather than keeping more money in my hands to then circulate within my local economy, it goes right out the window, never to be seen again.  Where's the sense in that?
Don't get me wrong, I do not subscribe to the notion that having zero taxes is possible - there are things that need to be funded, but my goodness - let's live in reality and basic economics.  When the economy is down, raising taxes and taking more money from every day people will just worsen an already slumped economy.  It's pretty simple - when people have less money, they are less likely to spend that money on things other than essentials (food, utilities, mortgage, gas).
Argh....

One of those fun things you have to deal with when you're an adult!  But even in this situation I am thankful for being responsible, being married to a man who is also responsible & is also just as focused on us being debt free - so we'll continue to live like no one else so that later we can live like no one else (Thanks DR!)!

We're on our way
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In Need of a Do-Over

By all accounts thus far -- this day needs to rewind and start again.  I need a Do-Over PRONTO!

What started off as a modestly normal morning at my house quickly slid down hill and it followed me to the office, in which I have had to deal with idiot agents, idiot clients, and idiot short sale negotiators....

I need to get out of here and fast.  Oh what I would do to be shopping and reading my book at Starbucks.


Can any one make this happen for me?
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Realization #3!

I have realized very clearly recently that those who are manipulative and selfish just about drive me over the edge!  There is one situation taking place right now between a couple of friends and myself that I want to just avoid 100%.  But I can't because I am unfortunately stuck right in the middle -- but really I want to be in the situation, if it were normal.  However there is one person who is so selfish about everything, and then tries to manipulate everyone so that all events direct to her or so she's the focus.

It takes so much energy from me and of me to deal with her - because in this moment that should be focused on my other friend I'm finding myself just itching inside to tell off the other girl, or trying to find any and every way to avoid her.  It's exhausting.

I just hate manipulation - drives me INSANE!!!  Here's an idea -- how about you stop making this about you, stop making a scene, stop comparing, stop bringing up the past & move on!  This is not about you so stop attempting to make it about you.  When you have your big day, then it will be about you -- but until that day comes, just stop!


barf...
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Save the Drama for Yo' Momma!

I am increasingly finding myself utterly frustrated and OVER the petty drama that seems to surround me!  Seriously - stop it!  I covered for you yesterday - so don't give me attitude! It's ridiculous.  Stop telling half truths & lying by omission.  It's unattractive. 

Does everything need to be so dramatic?! Just live your life & stop trying to create chaos with every step!

Yeesh...  Is it the weekend yet?!
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Frustration

I hate being on the phone with banks trying to figure out their STUPID system for a short sale... they SUCK!!

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Weekend Nightmare!

This weekend was a moderate nightmare starting at 7:30am yesterday morning.
I got tons of text messages, facebook messages, and phone calls from everyone I've EVER, I repeat, EVER have emailed with or have received an email from.  What might they have called about??

Oh just the mere fact that some LOSER hacked my email and used my email to spam out to my entire contact list, and I have spent the last day and a half trying to reverse what he's done.  Every time I would get logged in and get things set up with the proper security - I would get kicked out and my password would get changed on me.  I wanted to scream & cry!  I hadn't experienced that kind of pure frustration & the feeling of being attacked so much ever in my life.  It was unreal!  And of course it hampered my ability to log in here!

Even now, I have my password changed and am checking to see if anyone else is logged into my account from other locations than my own or my phone -- and closing it out.  Thankfully one time I was logged in I caught his email address & an IP address which I promptly forwarded to my favorite computer gal to see if she could help me in any way.

We'll see how long it takes for me to take back my account fully without concern -- but until that time, I have set up a new hotmail account just to use in case something else goes wrong with the gmail account.

Cross your fingers that lame-o has moved on -- he's certainly wreaked havoc on my life & internet life for this weekend, and honestly - that's more than enough for me!!!

Hope you had a great weekend though! The weather here is so nice now! Summer has arrived finally!!

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A Bit Stressed

I hate when things are up in the air - I hate when things are not certain - I hate when I don't have more control over things.


And now...I believe that I will be on the part time job hunt to add to my full time job currently.  Adios vacation I so wanted to go on - Adios....


A little down in the dumps today -- humph :(

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