Thank Goodness I'm Not 12 Anymore!

Can I just get an amen from everyone that it feels so good to be finished with the drama that encompassed your life when you were in middle school?!  Goodness...
I'm leading Wyld Life (Young Life ministry for middle schoolers) for a group of 6th grade girls... and let me tell you, it pushes me incredibly to the feet of Jesus.  It's incredibly clear that anything I say will be fruitless - unless I am leaning on His understanding, stepping back and letting him move thru me.  It broke my heart yesterday to have 3 girls sitting on my couch, tears welling up in their eyes speaking of how desperately they want to be themselves but are so fearful that they won't be accepted or understood.  Inside I was screaming JESUS! HE LOVES YOU! HE KNOWS WHO YOU REALLY ARE & LOVES YOU ALL THE SAME!  IT'S JESUS THAT IS ALWAYS THERE! 

But I didn't scream this out loud, I waited on His timing, and brought about scripture as they seemed to fit.
What a scary place to be, to be fearful of being yourself and expending so much energy is trying to hide who you are and what your life is really like.  That is so much for a young 12 year old to deal with.  How burdensome...

Jesus...would you guide me, show me how to love these girls, give me eyes to see them as you do, and a peace knowing that You are in control of all.

<3

Monday Monday

It's Monday.......

I woke up in my own house, with my husband (whom I love incredibly) by my side, with utilities on, a hot shower available, clothes in the closet/dresser, food in my cupboard, a car in my driveway, gas in the car, a phone to call people/check email....


And within 30 minutes of being at work, I had this overwhelming feeling that I am missing something, that something is a-miss, that nothing in my life is right, that I will never feel confident/comfortable with the finances, etc.  It was overwhelming actually - to the point of tears.  It makes me feel super vulnerable talking about it - putting actual words to it, giving it a name, bringing it to light.
Maybe this is more about learning how to settle in to my adult life - learning that I'm not going to get to do everything I want whenever I exactly want to do it - learning where true value lies.
I need a big ol' heavy dose of contentment....   Yeah, contentment & peace

<3

Blow This Pop Stand!

I am SO looking forward to getting out of town tonight - granted it's only for one night, but it is SO welcomed!
Headed out to the best beach camping spot... Beverly Beach State Park for Miss Ashley's bachelorette weekend with great girls and fun in store.

Back on Saturday afternoon...just in time for WyldLife club. 
Have a great weekend friends!
<3

It's Like Christmas!

Ever have that moment when you find a missing $5 in a jacket pocket?  And it feels like you've hit the lottery or opened the best Christmas present ever?!

I just had a moment like that.... thanks to a couple of hidden/forgotten gift cards from my wedding last summer.  $140 worth of gift cards sitting in a back pocket of my purse!
Love it!

<3

With You I Am Well Pleased

Confession -- I struggle with seeking approval from others.

Not saying that I would categorize myself as a "people pleaser" per-say.  But that in every situation, group, in my family, in my extended family, etc. I want to be approved of and/or be a part of that group.  This is something that I can see in myself looking back my entire life.  There was always an air of insecurity when it came to owning who I am, what I bring, how I contribute, etc.  It's always backed by a weakness to compare.

And Satan is so devious in this area of my life.  He finds that crack and just twists and turns within it to make it bigger and bigger, and more and more painful.  It has bred so much pain, hurt, mis-understanding, and quiet internal strife.  I hate that part of my struggle....  Because intellectually I know what I bring, who I am, and how I contribute; but I run in to trouble when I let down my guard around my heart in that area and rely on the lies being whispered in my ear.



"And a voice came from heaven: "You are my Son [Daughter], whom I love; with you I am well pleased." Mark 1:11(modification by me).
I am pleasing in the sight of the Lord.  I am loved by the Lord.  I am an heir to the throne.  That is where my definition lies.  That is where I should/will find my value.  I will trust that God placed in me gifts and wisdom that are needed in the specifics groups He has me in at this stage in my life.  My value is in Him, through Him, because of Him.  He sees me as well-pleasing...He approves
<3

ARGH!

Just when you think you're making progress - something has to know you back down on your rear end!

I've been working this short sale file with my mom for nearly 8 months now, and we just received our final approval of the file from the bank last week. So that was a plus.  However.... now that we finally have that approval, we learn that the buyer has received notice that they will be laid off in the next two weeks & are unable to go through with the transaction.  Humph!

It just feels like there is something always to battle against.  Now granted, I would never want to have another person in a situation where they can't pay their mortgage due to job loss - but this is just a sucky situation all around.  So now it's back to trying to find another buyer to move forward on this process and to go through the whole process again!

Mamma Mia.....  Is it 5 o'clock yet?
<3

ps... NWM's training begins today... in the rain. Lucky me

Busy Saturdays + Lazy Sundays = Tired Mondays!

My weekend was very full - spent most of Saturday working at the Keizer Young Life garage sale.  So much stuff was laid out, and at 8am there were plenty of people sifting through the knick knacks, clothes, furniture & more!  But all in all, it was a success & God was good!  Even despite a week of location change (Thank you Church on a Hill for opening your gym to us!) people showed up to show support for KYL and sending kids to camp!  I may have even missed a small calling in wholesale furniture sales!  I was moving junk left & right!  Then I ventured over to Geer fields to support my hubby & his JV Saxon team in their game against NSHS.  They didn't win -  but at least they weren't playing in the rain.  I actually got to spend a bit of time with one of the kids' moms who I really like.  Saturday afternoon came with small house projects, dinner at home, and seeing "The Back Up Plan" with Jennifer Lopez.
Ok...I know one shouldn't go into a Jennifer Lopez movie expecting very much...but this was a little over the top to say the least.  I don't think I would recommend anyone to go see it.  Not that funny for the most part, and there were definitely a couple parts that were extremely unnecessary (read...inappropriate). 

But Sunday came - the hubs and I grabbed breakfast at the best place in town, OPH - did a couple more errands around the house (we have a Japanese teacher staying with us on Wednesday night...Mr. Uji -- or Ujisan as Isaac refers to him), then caught a ride w/ the folks down to First Christian Church to be at church with Grandma Jewel for an early Mother's day celebration.  I have to admit we were quite the site - our family alone took up about 4-5 rows in the balcony.  What can I say...we have a large family!  Church was followed by lunch at The Willamette Grille which was really nice and fun to be together.  But the highlight of my day was a much needed nap on the parent's couch with the little babies (Jock & Ellie -- my parents' mini-daschunds).  It was so sweet.

Overall a relaxing and full weekend... But definitely makes me tired today & long for another weekend! Wish they were longer!
<3