Radio Silence & Changes

Wow - crazy to think my last post was way back in February.  But trust me folks -- you, or anyone for that matter, didn't want to read anything I was likely going to put forward.

March felt like such a gray month for me.  Not sure why.  Lots of things really.  But nothing stands out as the most significant.  Sure there were highlights & strong points --  like paying off our car, paying off our credit card & effectively being debt free!  That was definitely one of the best feelings for sure!

But March was also challenging mentally & emotionally.  Again - nothing I can specifically pin point.  Just gray.  Ho hum.  My workouts weren't as awesome.  My eating habits not awesome. (Shocking I wasn't feeling as awesome isn't it?!)

Speaking about workouts -- I was starting to set up a good routine of Spartan on Tues/Thrs/Sat & running the dreadmill on non-Spartan days.  And then it was spring break & I took time off (insert palm to forehead).  I came back and did my monthly "Bod Pod" - which measures your lean & non-lean mass makeup.  Truthfully I wasn't expecting it to be awesome, I wasn't even really expecting it to be any better than my first. I thought I had prepared myself for it.  But getting out of it and going over my results was frustrating, heart breaking, and annoying -- but all those feelings were directed entirely at myself.  It was me who hadn't made any progress.  It my head that had gotten in the way.  It was me & me alone.  Saturday Spartan class came with me doing better in my overall participation.  And at the end of class we had a challenge.....one I could have, and probably should have won.  But at one point I just surrendered & let my mind tell me & blurt out that I was "done."  Let me tell you - the second those words came out of my mouth...frustration, damn near anger at myself for surrendering, for giving in, for not pushing.  And there it was -- the root of my entire problem.  My head.  My head gets in my way.  I let it dictate what I do, how far I go, how hard I push.  I've trained my brain to surrender when it gets "hard," rather than push more, go further, etc.  

So I went home - shared this with Isaac (after I cleaned my entire downstairs out of pure frustration with myself) & literally asked Isaac to take control of our food game.  He was an exercise science major for most of his undergrad, so he's super great at food & what not.  I've turned myself over to the big guy to get us on track!  We're prepping for changes in the next year or two -- but are both committed to being in the best health/shape before any of those changes come in to play.  It's just not negotiable any more.  My health, his health, our future, the future for kids to come -- it has to be on point in order to fully enjoy all that is in store.

The biggest challenge I know I'm facing?  Modifying that internal dialogue that runs like a broken record.  Changing the words I use to describe my body, my experience, my energy, heck...my everything.  I've always chalked myself up as being a "realist" -- but really I've been more of a pessimist than anything, and boy is it a sad existence living like that all the time.  Time to shake it up.  Be my own sunshine.  Lean on the Lord & His blessings.  And be grateful.

Any recommendations?? Send em' my way!