Lazy Days

The mister & I are taking a lazy day today....thankfully it falls in line with my "rest" day from the gym as well.  But it's so nice to lay low, get cozy, and just rest.  Granted the past two days have been off kilter from our new food regimen - but I blame that on Honey Isaac's birthday & a football coaches BBQ.  But hey - it's life right?!  And with that I'm trying to keep reminding myself that one or two meals doesn't make me a fail.  It doesn't demolish everything I've "done" this week.  It's just life.  And today is life.  And tomorrow will be life - and another chance to make another good decision.  

In other news....let me share this beauty with you all....

That right there my friends is my first "True Spartan" bracelet.  What I've mentioned I narrowly missed getting in the past two weeks.  And I nearly missed it this week as well.  Following our grueling Saturday work out our instructor Carlos said we'd have two "Spartan Challenges."  So we all circled up to see who would be the last man/woman standing from a blinded balance challenge.  It came down to me & my friend Misty -- she ultimately beat me in this challenge.  Darn pinky toe came up and then I was all messed up. But following that Carlos started sharing how the people in our class had shown some of the best improvement he'd seen since teaching and he wanted to acknowledge us all for our commitment & improvement since starting.  So we all got a bracelet! FINALLY!

In all honesty, I came home & started sharing the story with Honey Isaac and told him I how I wish I had really "earned" it -- and Lord love him, he interrupted me mid sentence saying -- "But you did earn it - you have gone each time & almost always given it your best or as best you could each time.  That means you earned that bracelet."  Man I love that man...because he's right.  

This is the first time I've been consistent going to the gym -- particularly to do something that is wicked hard & pushes me.  Sure, I was consistent with running...but most of the time that came pretty easy for me & it was just fun to be with my friends/running-family.  But this class -- this thing is a B-face most of the time & super hard for me.  And here I am in to my 3rd month, having only missed classes when absolutely necessary.  

So I proudly wore that bracelet all day & likely will again today.  Hell -- I might even wear it tomorrow & especially to class on Tuesday.  More as a reminder to myself that I am tough, that I can do it, and I can keep going.

Small victories my friends.....small victories!

Radio Silence & Changes

Wow - crazy to think my last post was way back in February.  But trust me folks -- you, or anyone for that matter, didn't want to read anything I was likely going to put forward.

March felt like such a gray month for me.  Not sure why.  Lots of things really.  But nothing stands out as the most significant.  Sure there were highlights & strong points --  like paying off our car, paying off our credit card & effectively being debt free!  That was definitely one of the best feelings for sure!

But March was also challenging mentally & emotionally.  Again - nothing I can specifically pin point.  Just gray.  Ho hum.  My workouts weren't as awesome.  My eating habits not awesome. (Shocking I wasn't feeling as awesome isn't it?!)

Speaking about workouts -- I was starting to set up a good routine of Spartan on Tues/Thrs/Sat & running the dreadmill on non-Spartan days.  And then it was spring break & I took time off (insert palm to forehead).  I came back and did my monthly "Bod Pod" - which measures your lean & non-lean mass makeup.  Truthfully I wasn't expecting it to be awesome, I wasn't even really expecting it to be any better than my first. I thought I had prepared myself for it.  But getting out of it and going over my results was frustrating, heart breaking, and annoying -- but all those feelings were directed entirely at myself.  It was me who hadn't made any progress.  It my head that had gotten in the way.  It was me & me alone.  Saturday Spartan class came with me doing better in my overall participation.  And at the end of class we had a challenge.....one I could have, and probably should have won.  But at one point I just surrendered & let my mind tell me & blurt out that I was "done."  Let me tell you - the second those words came out of my mouth...frustration, damn near anger at myself for surrendering, for giving in, for not pushing.  And there it was -- the root of my entire problem.  My head.  My head gets in my way.  I let it dictate what I do, how far I go, how hard I push.  I've trained my brain to surrender when it gets "hard," rather than push more, go further, etc.  

So I went home - shared this with Isaac (after I cleaned my entire downstairs out of pure frustration with myself) & literally asked Isaac to take control of our food game.  He was an exercise science major for most of his undergrad, so he's super great at food & what not.  I've turned myself over to the big guy to get us on track!  We're prepping for changes in the next year or two -- but are both committed to being in the best health/shape before any of those changes come in to play.  It's just not negotiable any more.  My health, his health, our future, the future for kids to come -- it has to be on point in order to fully enjoy all that is in store.

The biggest challenge I know I'm facing?  Modifying that internal dialogue that runs like a broken record.  Changing the words I use to describe my body, my experience, my energy, heck...my everything.  I've always chalked myself up as being a "realist" -- but really I've been more of a pessimist than anything, and boy is it a sad existence living like that all the time.  Time to shake it up.  Be my own sunshine.  Lean on the Lord & His blessings.  And be grateful.

Any recommendations?? Send em' my way!