A Place to Empty My Thoughts

Blogging hasn't really been my "thing" since I was in about 9th grade - when it was all the rage to have & keep a LiveJournal. And at that time I suppose the main reason that I had one was to stay connected with my friends - share my most recent experiences in the halls of my high school - or bemoan the strict nature of my parents. But that quickly got old as new distractions kept popping up.

So I return to the world of blogging, not really sure of what (if anything) I will say, share, discuss, etc. I guess I'll start with the basics...

I'm 22 years old - living in the same town I was born in, which is the same town my father was born & raised in. Live with my parents whom I love, but struggle to understand from time to time...maybe because we're so different, yet so similar. I've had your pretty average home life and a fairly stereotypical suburban childhood. But you won't find me complaining about that - within that entire experience I've felt more love & support from my parents & brother than I could ever imagine. I'm happy & more than thankful for my immediate family - we are each other's glue, what keep one another sane in a world that is otherwise insanity itself, and we honor the strengths that everyone brings to the table. I'm dating a wonderful man, who makes me smile virtually every time I'm with him - who challenges me to grow, let people in to that place in my heart where people truly know who I am, and who loves me unconditionally - no matter what struggles we face. Life has been fairly ideal - for which I am thankful.

Despite this existence - I often find myself struggling with thoughts of where my purpose is. What am I doing here? Why does it seem so hard to find people who track with what I'm saying, doing, etc? Am I ever going to find female friends that love, encourage, challenge me in a way that I've never had before. Why do I always feel awkward around a group of people that I used to spend so much time with in an organization that used to be an integral part of my life???

So I suppose that's why I started walking back into the world of blogging. Maybe if I just have an outlet to release thoughts, pains, frustrations, joys, etc back into the world I'll find clarity and/or direction. It's got to be better to release & process thru this stuff rather than shoving it inward and acting like nothing has happened or that I feel nothing.

This strong, young woman needs a safe, soft place to be honest, even silly about her thoughts sometimes...hopefully this will be my avenue to do so.

a.mac